My experience with autism and breakups

I’ve never really minded the fact I’ve had autism which is awful to admit because no one should be ashamed regardless. But until lately, I really wish I wasn’t. 

I went through a breakup 6 months ago and she was the best person that has ever came into my life (she is autistic too). The dynamic worked very well but we thought we should take a break due to exams coming up. This triggered something inside me massively where it is something I cannot let go of. I am the type of person who feel things very deeply. I think I’ve always struggled with my emotions since being diagnosed at 12 but I have never struggled as much as a did now. It felt like a catalyst for every alarm to go off. So much so, I am in the process of getting heart medication due to the constant anxiety that this has given me. 

and it sucks because I’m so self aware about what I need to change about myself but even then, it doesn’t help. 

due to exams coming up. This triggered something inside me massively where it is something I cannot let go of. I am the type of person who feel things very deeply. I think I’ve always struggled with my emotions since being diagnosed at 12 but I have never struggled as much as a did now. It felt like a catalyst for every alarm to go off. So much so, I am in the process of getting heart medication due to the constant anxiety that this has given me. 

and it sucks because I’m so self aware about what I need to change about myself but even then, it doesn’t help. And I’m currently typing this feeling sick due to this. It has felt like a never ending loop for the last 6 months and I haven’t been able to sleep or eat. I was an angry kid and I tried working with my autism to try battle that, and so I’ve grown up to become someone I’m proud of. It just all feels like I’m in fight or flight mode. And I really wish I just didn’t have to experience this with my perspective.