Autism and fulfilling social needs.
So, I have autism. I also struggle with depression, anxiety, and OCD (all of which prevent me from being social sometimes). I'm also an introvert, but that doesn't mean I like to keep to myself all the time. I do enjoy some conversation, even if it leaves me drained. The problem with this is how on earth do I get my social needs met when people aren't around to do things?
I'm in a relationship, which is nice. We always hang out on one day during the weekend (my partner is VERY BUSY during the weekdays with work and school). I have three other friends, all of whom are in my city at the moment. But just doing things with them is such a challenge. I see it as three steps:
1. Determine what you want to do with a friend.
2. Message friend to ask if they are available and willing to do the thing I suggest.
3. Wait for response.
This is never foolproof. Sometimes I don't get past the "what I want to do" stage. Sometimes I will not get a response from someone if I send them something. Sometimes they just won't be available. Then I get stuck, and then I get cranky, especially as I'm using "hanging out with someone" as a coping skill to distract from thoughts. Then my Depression Voice(TM) spirals and insists I am not interesting enough, I will never be good enough, and that I shouldn't bother with friendship because it's just so inconvenient. Worst part is, there have been incidents that have "confirmed" these thoughts based on emotional reasoning.
But then I might get lonely. One of these friends insists "you don't need many frieneds. It's better to have less good friends than many shallow ones" or something like that. While I agree with this sentiment, I just wish I was better at it.
I'm still waiting on a friend request from a (former?) classmate in a game we both play. He keeps forgetting and it's been months since I gave him my username. The other friend who I play this game with is hard to reach because he doesn't always respond to what I have to say, and I don't know how to make it easier for us to communicate. I'm really trying to fill my social needs especially because I'm at home now and not at school/where I worked last summer, but the urge isn't always there and neither are the people.
So, I'm posting on here. Chances are, this'll help fulfill the social need enough for me to be satisfied for the day. I've read so many stories about autistic people being lonely on this site. If you're reading this and it helps you: I understand, I hear you, and I hope you find a way to ease the loneliness or at the very least, find a healthy outlet for it.
@Lemurian51611
I'm autistic too, and I totally feel the friends thing. *hugs*
@jesusredeemedme2425Thank you 👍
Have you tried making an “In Search of Friends” post here? :)
@jesusredeemedme2425 I have not, but I definitely should. It scares me a little due to the obligation of having to respond to people and chat with them, but that's what has to be done to make friends heh.
Don’t be scared! You don’t have to feel rushed, either. Take all the time you need <3
Do you want help?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I didn't see this. I don't want help, and thank you for asking, by the way. I've been... procrastinating, unsure if I should do it, etc, but that's all. Thanks 😀
No worries! :)
I dont have autism so i don t have the overwhelming sensorial problems.
But i do have the loneliness part too and the depresionnal aspect.
What helped me was to find an activity that i really like, and see if others share that. They don t always become my friends, only a few people will i really connect with but i still like to spend some time in a community where i belong.
And having an activity makes it simple: i have a date and time when i will do something i like with a community of some sort. I know where, when, with whom. It simplyfies the process.
Hope this insight might be helpful!
@Cheztao Honestly, having frequent meetings is quite helpful for the social aspect. Going to the same place, at the same time, with usually the same people, is really dang helpful as an autistic person 'cause I know what to expect.
Thank you for reminding me of this. I'm currently in group therapy, but I was also part of a writing group for a while. Maybe I'll get back into that.
I really enjoy body doubling and parallel play when I feel this way. Sometimes I just want someone around without having to specifically commit to doing one activity with them.
I really love doing this too! Especially when it focuses on productivity. I can get soooo much done if someone else is there working too <3
@striderrr This is a good idea. Thank you.
@Lemurian51611 Hello. I can relate to your posts. You sound like a fun person to be around. It is harder to make friends as you grow older for sure. I'm sure your partner being so busy is hard also. I have the same concerns that I would have to answer back to chats quickly and reading your post resonated with me. Sometimes I need reminders because I get busy doing other things. If you would like to have a pen pal chat, just tag me and I'd love to chat with you it just might not be at lightning speed.
@reservedOwl321 You know what, thank you for that. I might set up one of those within a few days. And of course, no pressure to respond instantly, nor at all if you've changed your mind.
@Lemurian51611
I'm glad to hear that you would like to chat more with me. 😊 Take your time. I look forward to getting to know you better.
Hi lemurian:
I agree that people with autism or Asperger’s syndrome have difficulty socializing with others. I find it helps to go to support groups either online or in person where the other people share similar concerns and are more understanding than the neurotypicals are.❤️
@azureAcres1605 Thank you!! And I agree, groups with more neurodivergent people are great.
Hi Lemurian:
I also have OCD and Asperger’s syndrome and anxiety. I have found that listening to inspiring people has helped me. Learning and practicing meditation has helped me to regulate my nervous system. Exercise is helpful to overcome depression. Learning to love and accept myself has been important for me to feel good about myself.
Kimberly Quinlan a therapist has helped me with OCD. She has a website.
Socializing is difficult for me also because I don’t have great social skills but I think doing self care activities helps me to feel more comfortable with myself and others.