Does anyone else feel this way?
Hi, I'm new to 7 Cups. I'm autistic and I recently experienced two massively traumatic events in my life that have made me isolate and I'm 100% afraid of people and connection. I need to make that disclaimer before moving forward with any conversation here whatsoever. However, I'm tired of feeling miserable- so I joined this website to try and combat it.
I used to be proud of being autistic- like it was something to embrace and love about myself, but now I hate it and hate that I was born this way. If I wasn't autistic, I feel like 95% of my life would be 10 times better, but it isn't. This is the hand I was dealt, and I can't do anything with it. And yet, over and over, I'm punished for it.
I had the gut-wrenching realization that most if not all of my problems in life have stemmed from being autistic. I don't understand social cues, I beg for basic communication and am often denied it, I've been bullied out of spaces over assumptions and conjecture because people won't just talk to me or tell me what I've done wrong/to upset them, and I feel entirely alone in this messed up world. I feel utterly hated as a human being, as well as subhuman and have zero self-esteem after how I have been treated by people around me, and I feel like I don't have a chance to find happiness in life. Compound that with being marginalized in multiple ways and I have been wishing for something better for longer than I can remember.
The worst part is I feel like a helpless child trapped in an adult's body and I do not know what to do about it. No matter how many times I tell people my communication needs, I'm let down, or worse, met with animosity or violence. I've told people that they need to spell things out for me because my brain is wired differently. No matter how much I plead to be treated like a human being, it hasn't happened. I don't think it ever has.
Anyone else? Or am I alone in this too?
Before you ask or try to give me advice: Please understand that I am disabled, low income, don't have access to many things due to living in the USA. I'm unfortunately one of those people who are at the behest of a system that would rather see me gone than give me the care I need, and that's... rough, to be honest. I just want to be heard, know I'm not alone, and there's more to life than what I've dealt with.
@BunFromThe90s
Hello, Bun
My short reply: i am not autistic but i have a lot of the simiar issues being in society. So, you are not alone in that sense :)
I appreciate it but I’d like to hear from other autistic people. My experiences refer specifically to being an autistic person and I am in distress and want to know I am not alone, from other autistic people with similar experiences.
Very respectfully, if you’re not autistic, I’d prefer this discussion stay among autistic people.
If you think you might be autistic or on the spectrum and you have similar experiences, it doesn’t hurt to ask other autistic people for their input, but I’m not the correct person to ask.
@BunFromThe90s you're not alone in this.
Have you experienced similar communication issues and feeling like people just wall you out and refuse to talk to you?
Because of my experiences I’m just convinced this world hates autistic people.
@BunFromThe90s I'm also autistic, but as a girl I got my diagnosis later in my life. But still, I tought it would make a difference, that if there is proof about it then they would try to help me, and make life easier for me. But it just turns out people rather just turn away their head and get back to heir life because thay's so much easier for them than to adjust a little thing that would help me. Even thought I've spent my whole life adjusting myself to other people. It's a lonely and very disturbing feeling, and yeah I haven't find any usable explanation or solution in the case. But I'm sure there are more autistic people experiencing it. I think it's more commonly happens with level 1 autism, because we can talk very well and people would say "you don't seem autistic to me", so if we ask something we'd need they take it like a character flaw. When in comparason, for a person with level three autism, who is nonverbal to say now, they just pay attention to them, and seem to support them more.
@blueJay5664This is sadly where I am at. As for you saying people would rather turn their head away... understatement of the century. I watched my own family turned their back on me multiple times.
As an autistic person that has just had an abnormal human experience, people get so defensive and angry toward me when I bluntly tell them things like I think "family" is not something I can relate to or conceptualize, or that I don't love my biological family because they abused me. It's like, why the *** are you getting mad at me for hating my abusers? Why aren't you getting mad at the fact that I've been abused? I think humanity is so far gone and utterly hopeless at this point.
I'm also a woman, and it just sucks. The misogyny + other hate I've experienced on top of it as a multiply marginalized person makes me wonder how I'm still alive and standing. I am MISERABLE.
@BunFromThe90s Oh, didn't know the H E double hockey sticks was not allowed here. Noted.
Hi Bun, I’m an autistic female. I absolutely relate to this as I have personally experienced traumatic events around socialising throughout my life. I remember how it felt, being afraid to communicate with anyone, doubting whether if it was me doing everything wrong in social situations, especially when I was yet to receive the diagnosis. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. You’re not alone. You are not wrong, it’s those who set neurotypical standards against us who’s wrong.
Thank you for making me realize that I am not the only one feeling this way. 🫂
