Frustration (Venting about learning later in life I have ASD)
I am frustrated and I don't know why. I have suspected I have Autism for the last three years or so, but in my entire life I have never been diagnosed (our family didn't believe in mental health issues). I look back on my life, and there are all of these signs that I just ignored because I knew they wouldn't get treated.
Anyhow, that's not my point. I came across an article that explained that people with ASD have trouble with pain tolerance -- some are hypersensitive and some have reduced sensitivity. The more I read this article, the more I realized they were talking about me (not me specifically, but people like me of course). That, along with a meltdown I had a week and a half ago concerning the heat, have moved my awareness needle from "I think I have Autism" to "Yeah, I have ASD".
I don't know why, but this frustrates me! Maybe it's because my life could've been so much easier if literally just one adult in my life had stood up and said "Yeah, she has Autism." Maybe it's because this is just another identity crisis to deal with (this is my third in the last three years 😰). It might just be that I'm tired of getting new information about my body and brain that tosses my whole existence into chaos!
I guess I'm angry! I don't know that recognizing this earlier in life would've changed very much, but it sure as heck would've made me see things in a better light. I'm old, I'm tired, I'm hurt and I just want to be comfortable for once (brownie points if anyone gets that reference lol).
@HappySpecter
I received a couple of diagnoses when I was in my third year of college. It was a relief in a way because it explained the challenge I was facing, rather than simply feel bad about myself as though I could’ve tried harder or made different decisions to make my life better, or at least easier. My diagnoses were ADHD and dyslexia. By that age however, I’d already come up with a lot of compensations. I was offered longer times to take tests, but I usually didn’t need it.
I know several people with ASD, and there are huge differences between them. My granddaughter has ASD, and although she’s really sensitive to people’s moods, she has difficulty expressing herself. Her sensitivity to other people’s feelings can make her feel really uncomfortable. She’s 21 now, and is better at being around people who are experiencing intense feelings.
Others I know are articulate, expressive and quite brilliant. I was listening to a couple of friends with ASD, and if I hadn’t heard them talk about it, I’d never have guessed that they were on the spectrum. With such diversity in how those on the spectrum manage and present themselves, I became curious about myself.
Therefore, I took 4 different screenings, and all of them placed me well within the range of ASD. The thing is, I still don’t FEEL like I’m on the spectrum, but of course I’ve no idea of any truly common mental or emotional trait that specifically signals the presence of ASD. Traits commonly associated with ASD are also present in many of those who are not on the spectrum.
One person I clearly relate to is the character, “Young Sheldon,” or Sheldon as an adult. I’m much more socially adept than Sheldon, but a lot of his quirks and habits, I can really identify with.
I guess it’s better to learn late than never. The good news is that you’ve made it this far, and knowing a bit more about yourself gives you the opportunity to explore ways in which that knowledge can improve your life.