A new storm but some improvements

Well that awful mixed episode that lasted a couple of months is over. Lost around 24lbs in that period and slept little. Let alone barely ate or drank anything. A couple bouts with malnutrition and dehydration which was the worse type of sickness I have ever experienced. I don't know what prompted neurotransmitters to shift. But am am now sleeping nightly but it's not a restful sleep. I am eating again. But the mixed episode just transitioned into a depressive episode with a lot of anxiety. Klonopin helps the anxiety. I've noticed I require more of it. Getting my weekly Spravato treatments functioning in my brain properly will definitely help but is time consuming. The Spravato agitated the mixed episode. I see my psychiatrist at the end of the month and I'm going to bring an actual list of what I need to address. I've only been with him a few months. He owns the group so my therapist works for which is a plus. He's respected and made an exception by taking me on as a patient. But he's in another state so it's always virtual which I hate. I go into the office my therapist is in and talk to him through a large flat screen TV. But he's good and it's hard to get in with a psychiatrist. It's usually NPs that you see more here in the US. I need my lamictal increased or a new depression drug. Not many meds I haven't tried. The rarely used Stelazine I'm on is great. If there is the typical hospital stay in the next two months and the depression has worsened. No response to treatment adjustments I know that will lead to another round of electro convulsive treatments. Which I'm perfectly ok with. Never had any problem with them except the expected memory loss. But there have been improvements since the mixed episode ended. I'm able to read again! I vital part of life robbed of me for the past couple of months. I'm building up the strength to resume my writing. I'm trying to re create the habit of daily journaling. For the first time ever I'm drinking a lot of water daily. I'm making my bed daily which numerous professionals and fellow patients have said helps. I downloaded 2 therapy apps...one Jungian...that have daily lessons. I stick to the listener growth path I chose here. And to top it off I bought a big poinsettia flower to brighten up my bedroom. But this goes to show how biological the illness is. Therapy, coping tools, other things you do for yourself don't necessarily control or stop the chemical imbalance in your head. And if you're like me meds don't always do as much as they are designed too. I have treatment resistant depressions hence the Spravato therapy. It make take a solid series of ECT if it continues on its track. But I still keep and underlying sense of optimism. When I lose it reading helps. I practice radical acceptance. Now it's accepting what the near future might hold. But anything to be ready to start college next August. A lot to work on and do before then.