Bipolar Issues
Hello, I struggle with many emotions and hallucinations as well as hearing voices. I just want to rant about how I feel like I am out of control sometimes. Like the feeling I just want to burst. I have homicidal thoughts that lead to very strong urges and the voices don't help the urges go away. They make the urges worse. I am currently on Abilify and Lamotragine to help. I haven't had a lot of bad days, but I feel like I am drugged most the time and that it just isn't the right fit for me. Because of this mental unstability, I feel like I have been a bad wife for my wife even though she is supportive and helps me any way she can. But I have trouble retaining what she tells me to help. My memory is not very good and I hate myself for it because sometimes I forget important things I need to remember. I used to turn to self harm when I felt very angry and used self harm to calm myself down. It always helped but it lead my wife to baker acting me because I wasn't able to regain my control. Thank you taking the time to read this and sorry for the rant. I hope you all ha e a good day!
Bipolar sucks!
When you are mad in mania, mad like this, you don't know it. Reality is what you see. When what you see shifts, departing from anyone else's reality, it's still reality to you At these times these distortions in thinking are factually flawed. Accepting the truths of others even if It's hard to accept their versions of events is challenging to say the least.
Needless to say that this takes lots of listening and understanding. Being angry settles nothing. My mission is developing technology that keeps me on track. Unfortunately there is no way to rid myself of this illness... So I am on the biggest adventure of my life. 😁
But the answer is not insanity. I learned long ago I'm totally sane it's the rest of you I'm worried about 😂
But I feel your struggle and always around to listen .
Darrell
Find a loved one you trust. Bounce your perceptions off them and believe what they are talking you.
Before you self harm, call your therapist.
Hey there. I have bipolar with psychosis too. The medication journey was a long one for me. I remember being on abilify (my 3rd med i think) and it wasn’t quite enough for me and the side effects for me were bad. You might want to tell your doctor that you’re still experiencing psychosis and ask for the next option. I know a lot of people that abilify works well for but they are all male so I wonder if that’s not a coincidence.
After abilify they put me on Vraylar and that caused me too much anxiety. I couldn’t even drive. Luckily my insurance stopped covering it so I was put on latuda. At first it made me cry every day so I asked for the dose to be lowered and now it works very well. I do still have some hallucinations during high stress but it’s nothing like it was.
You may try a different dose. Higher if your still having hallucinations. Lower if the side effects are too much. Or trying a different medication if there’s still problems.
Keep going. I think you’re almost there. Treatment can work it just takes time, trial and error.
