How Are You Feeling Today?

Paranoid

Every day it creeps in at some point. I feel I am constantly battling it. Ask how I am. Instantly I think "why do you want to know !? Mini alarm is activated..

I don't like it 😔. I cope with it obviously it hasn't drove me to insanity, yet 😉

And it's definately a symptom of my mental health conditions.

BIG SIGH 😊 FEELS GOOD TO TYPE IT OUT LOUD ❤️

THANKS FOR READING 🌼

@MistyMagic

Today I'm feeling kind of meh / a little bit hypomanic, but only a little bit. I finally got accepted to volunteer and do community service at the place I was trying to get into. I did a 6 hour shift yesterday and I'm going to do an 8 hour shift today. It's long and boring work, and I'm not really looking forward to it, though it is a chance to get out of the house and away from my thoughts.

I like to say I'm fine a lot even when I'm not fine because I don't like to burden people.

I am certain I am being stalked by a facetious order of secret police. They have classified technology to spy on our thougts. They respond and are incredibly vindictive and abusive. There is no avenue to report them or their medically unsafe industry practices. Knowing my thoughts are spied on by people scheming against me terrifies me. It causes panic. I struggle to fall asleep even if drowsy. I am stuck in limbo attempting to calm down while tired. I dont feel safe being stalked. I am terrified of a panic attack from such mental intrusion by bad people. I dont want to end up attempting suicide to stop one. I tend to isolate and retreat to a safe space. I have no other way to stay calm under such constant attack. I never feel safe.

So, I work for Glovo in my home town, kinda like ubereats. And today almost in the end of my lunch work hours I started to have a "thought echo attack", or a inner psychosis, and I could barely finish my deliveries and had to rush home.
During the afternoon the "attack" kept coming and going. 1 hour before the hour I had maked as avaliable on the app i wasn't better, so I cancelled the hour.
My mother just went beserk because of what I did! Saying I am giving up on a job again, when I just unmarked 1h of 1 day after 6 weeks of work, and because I really wasn't in condition to work.
She recently bought me a banged up but functional car so I can work without worring about rain or cold (I used to use a bike), to be able to mark more hours and in case a job vacancy appears that the company demands personal car.
today she told me that from now on I will have to pay the car to her (665€ in debt), circulation tax every year (60€) and gas (50/75€ month).
She just didn't say food because I cook in the house 99% of the time, and medication because it would sound bad if I told others like doctors the she doesn't help with medication.
Last month I made 100€ with my courrier job, this month on the first week I also worked few hours, but this week I started marking 2h lunch and 2h dinner, even on the weekend, to try and make more money, atleast to support my costs until I find a real job.

And that's about it, I am screwed because my mother comes home stressed from work and lashes out on me because I was unfit to work 1h after 6 weeks of work.

Hope your day has been better than mine dear reader.

@MistyMagic I'm tired from lack of sleep but anxious to visit friends for emotional support during the holidays

I want to 😢😭

Feeling tired tonight,restless

@MistyMagic

I am feeling claustrophobic. It seems like my depressive episodes are first met with high anxiety, and I always try my best to stay afloat but it can be so difficult. I tried to speak to my boyfriend earlier and I felt as if my manic depression was feeding him to same thing, soI didn't speak with him about it. Then my anxiety was THROUGH THE ROOF, couldn't even walk my dog. I got to speak with my therapist and I felt like I was talking too much... I thought I was going to feel better, for 3 days last week my manic depression seemed to be going into a slumber but then it got all this energy and I can feel it about to get the best of me. I hate being this way! I hate being bipolar!

Feeling good after deciding to cut some people that I know isn't serving me any good. And it's a good start for this new year :)

In a depressive state, wish I were manic.