I have Bipolar Disorder

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder about 20 years ago but I know now that I had it from a very early age. I self medicated for years and seemed to keep everything relatively under control. Throughout my life I have had 9 suicide attempts and 10 hospitalizations. Many medication changes to control this as well. I've been a train wreck most of my life.

Just 3 years ago was my last suicide attempt. I have 2 daughters ages 27 and 29. I have hurt them terribly which I regret with every breath I take. You see, they could never understand why they weren't worth me living for. Ya...that was a blow. I know realize that I wasn't getting rid of my pain but just transferring it to people that I truly love.

I've had to work extremely hard to get to where I am today. A lot of therapy. Today...I'm very involved with my culture which is Native, I have acupuncture once a week, eat very healthy, practice my native spirituality, I see a naturopath weekly. I don't like the chemicals that I'm having to put in my body so I keep it to a minimum and supplement herbally and practice mindfulness Life is turning around very slowly but it's turning around. I'm 50 years old and finally things are settling down. Not to say that I don't still struggle. I have to work at keeping well on a daily basis. Some days are easier than others. But i soldier through, one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time when needed. The demons can be very hard to fight, but the point is, is that I continue to fight.

Just putting it out there for anyone who suffers from Bipolar Disorder. This illness will never go away but I'm learning can be managed through hard work.

Don't give up...