Overcoming Embarrasment Of Being Hypersexual
Hi y’all, I was diagnosed w bipolar disorder when I was 15. Before I was diagnosed, I had my first manic episode during the summer where I broke up with my boyfriend and started sleeping around with multiple guys, even in public places.. This has haunted me and still affects me 10 years later. I have zero to none self esteem, and horrible anxiety and social anxiety. Just thinking of others knowing who I am and what I’ve done makes me isolate myself and just unable to hold a conversation. I was humiliated online and people talked about me so badly in school I had to switch schools and I’m still talked about til this day.. I feel my name and reputation is done for at such a young age I now have no friends and have no fun in life.. My depression is so bad where my quality of life is terrible, I just stay in the house. I never feel like I can be myself because I have hidden for so long and just so uncomfortable.. Anyone went through something similar and have any advice?
@lostinabisss Thank you for sharing your story, it must have been hard. You are trying to overcome shame and that's huge. I'm afraid I don't have advice from first-hand experience, but you were struggling and as long as you didn't hurt anyone during that time, you don't owe anyone an explanation. They don't know what you have been through. Wishing you all the best, love you.
Heya Don't beat yourself up about it. It's all in the past. I'm sorry to hear you went through so much bad stuff....sending hugs... I hope you will be able to find peace and tranquility and restore faith when your ready to. With getting out and about why dont you try small steps maybe having a cuppa by the front door etc.. hope you feel better soon
I went through this exact same thing, since I was 16 in a very small town. I slept with plenty enough people and was also humiliated online. To this day, I still feel the shame of what I’ve done to myself and the shame of being so violated. I ruined my 9 year relationship by breaking up with my boyfriend multiple times to sleep around and hide my symptoms during manic episodes. So many people have hurt me because of this illness, and I hurt so many people. My paranoia and depression got so bad last year that I wouldn’t leave my house and had some really “bad thoughts”.
I’m 30 now, and I’ve been medicated for a year. I recently got into a new relationship, and it’s the first time I’ve ever been in one while getting treatment. He doesn’t know anything about my past, and it’s so relieving to just be able to be me without that fear of judgement looming over me. I’m still careful about showing too much too soon because I’ve hidden it for so long.
It hurts a little knowing I’ll never be able to be off medication. I’m honestly scared of myself, knowing what I’m capable of during an episode.
The only solid advice I can give is therapy. And maybe try moving to get a fresh start, getting yourself away from the environment and the people who you feel ashamed to be around. It’s not going to fix it, but it’s definitely a start. It does get better though. I don’t think about my past much anymore. My self esteem is getting better and my medication gives me more confidence in myself and my decisions.
