Today

Hey homie I’m really glad to hear you’re taking steps toward healing and integration. To be honest feelings of guilt and shame about the stupid stuff you said or did during an episode will probably linger for a while. I know I still get smacked with it pretty frequently. It’s very uncomfortable but I encourage you to sit in those feelings and hold a space for yourself to feel them and consider them in greater depth. In my experience those feelings are most crushing/debilitating when they’re linked to hopelessness and lack of control. Like you have no autonomy and it’s only a matter of time before you’re back on your B.S.. But that’s not true! That way of thinking is just a product of fear homie, and we have too much to contribute to be giving in to fear. What I have found really helpful is to let those feelings come, and recognize them as they approach and name them and invite them to sit with you like an old friend. “Ah self-loathing! It has been awhile! How have you been, come sit with me for a moment.” Or whatever it is. Those feelings aren’t good or bad they’re just passing through, like breezes pass through the sky. They don’t define you. They don’t even belong to you. But they are all festery and angry and confused. Cleanse them as they pass through, calm them down and send them on their way, hopefully they will be softer and a little more gentle the next person they run into. Those feelings are really an opportunity to review what things in your past you feel good or bad about and choose the actions and intentions that will you will sever ties with and those that you respect and admire most in others and in yourself to integrate into your everyday behavior. You are not your past my friend. I hope the group therapy and the new meds help! Be kind to yourself and keep rising homie!