When Uncertainty Feels Overwhelming
So I was given a likely diagnosis as its too soon for Doctors to say. However, my sister has always suspected I had Bipolar and last year I suspected the same after she talked to me. That year a chose to ignore it but this year things got worse and I feel I really need help.
Unfortunately now that it feels almost confirmed I just dont see the point. Its likely to be Bipolar type two.
Ive hit a major depression and feel as though im keeping myself in this state because if I start gaining any sort of momentum I feel scared, as though it will go out of control or that theres just no point because im just going to end up back here anyway.
I love to dance, go to the gym and study. For over a month now ive done none of these things and instead, with my free time ive stayed in bed and watched films, eating constantly. Ive gained weight and reached a point of just giving up. :(
I feel this is my final depression because I just cant handle this cycle anymore :(
any advice or different perspectives?
@Tlone ....
Dear Tlone, ((if you were here I'd offer you a hug))
Waiting for a diagnosis can be tough, tough! During the first hospitalization I had (for bipolar disorder), the doctor sent me home - well, back to college - with "Mood Disorder NOS" ... which according to me is the 'fancy, scientific way' they've given the doctors to say umm I don't know. So on I went. Some years later, the doctors changed my diagnosis to Bipolar Disorder type one.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know I read your post and that you are not alone! I get it. I've been in a depressed mood/episode for awhile here now and I too worry about doing 'lots' or doing fun stuff for fear of "flipping" into mania. Yes, it sucks :( but please remember, you are not alone!
Of course you may write to me here, if you like. I could look for you with my listener account as well, if you'd like to talk 1-1. Do let me know, ok?
Have a good rest of Thursday! It's almost Friday, friend!!! :) ~ Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370
Platy!!
I read this when I was feeling so low and it gave me hope so thank you! I find it amazing that you used some of your time to share your experience. It gave me some hope.
Im so sorry you went through such an ordeal to reach a final awareness of what was going on. Is it bad though that im grateful you went through such a bad experience resulting in you spreading some connection?
I would really appreciate someone to talk to 1-1 who understands. Im trying not to burden my family so much with this and im finding it difficult to come to terms with this.
I also hope I can be of some help to you. Even if you just need a friend to talk to. I cant guarantee much, just a reply :) I hope youve had a good week!
Hi @Tlone!
I do not think it is bad that you are 'glad' that I went through what I did and how I shared here. It certainly was not fun for me, but ... if my experience(s) and happenings in my life - either as I would call 'good' or those I'd name as 'bad' - if I can help or encourage or just like "yup I was in that boat at one time", and talk with someone .... then those hard and long experiences seem to me to be a bit more 'worth it.'
I'm not sure if that makes sense, but yup. And I'll search for you within my (L) account. For me, sometimes just a reply - not quite any reply - but words that say I'm over here but I hear you (example) is helpful for me. Sometimes extremely helpful! Which is good because even within 7cups - an awesome place that I am so glad I have found - not all the (L) or members really get what I'm trying to say sometimes. It seems the SubCommunities help with that, sometimes at least 
Thank you for your reply! I'm glad to know you 'received my note' to you - hehe. Look here! It's almost Friday again :) <3 Platy
@Tlone
My childhood GP waved off my initial depression as a "phase" 18yrs ago. I switched GP 5yrs later, after a WCB claim had me making monthly visits to my GP to sign a piece of paper... I just got sick of seeing her to get nothing done. I switched GP, and about 5yrs in with the new one brought up my mental health issues. Rather than wave it off as well, we went into a "wait and see" stage. 6yrs later (2yrs ago) I finally broke down and more or less begged him to move past the wait and see and get something done.
In the first year, I had 5 or 6 unofficial diagnosis of BP2 before seeing a psychiatrist, and it took her 4 visits to make an official diagnosis of BP2 (with a momentary suspicion of BP1). What helped her decide, in addition to the work she had me do with 2nd year students (typical for my medical treatment of any kind), was giving her 5 pages of typed history. It saved me trying to remember it all (including parts I didn't want to), and gave her time to digest.
It's difficult waiting for the official diagnosis, but being able to put a name to the issue is worth the wait. If you don't mind being a guinea pig, it might be worth talking to your GP about treatment options while you wait for a psychiatrist.
@Tlone I was diagnosed Bipolar I, ultra rapid cycling about two years ago and have even been hospitalized more than once. I wish I could say it gets easy, but I'm still in the stage of accepting it myself. Things get tough, I'm in a depressive cycle now and want to give up every day. But I look for that tiny reminder that it might just be ok. You are not alone and the diagnosis isn't the end all. Hold on tight, don't keep it inside. Advocate for yourself and learn everything you can about Bipolar so that you can talk to your friends and other people about it. At least then maybe you can feel understood or at the very least supported. Remember that we are always here too. We're going through the same thing and we SEE you, we FEEL you. Please keep in touch, I'll be thinking about you.
@JustSomeone85
Yes, I agree for @Tlone. And we're here with and for you too, Miss Someone85 :) ((offers hugs)) ~ Platy
