Hello everyone reading
I am new here. I was diagnosed Bipolar (type not specified) about 15 years ago but i chose to ignore the diagnosis and to be treated for depression as i thought it was less embarrassing.
I have moved to live to a different country 7 years ago. Had my family and a great job.
3 years ago I got manic out of nowhere as i thought. I do understand now that at that time i was working 15 hrs per day 6-7 days per week, not sleeping much and graduating from 2 colleges on adition to bachelors I already had.
What happened was I started to believe that i was watched by some religious cult which was trying to get me in. I was never religious and grew up in non religious family. I believed that i somehow put my child at risk and that we were ment to be killed.
To cut the story short, ended up with psichiatrist diagnosing Bipolar 1. Then i was put on mood stabilizers ( not sure if i can name them) plus antipsychotics plus antidepressants.
I am an educator so i believed it my duty to be open about my diagnosis to help end the stigma.
Little did I know. Once i was told that people like me should be locked out. But tbh that wasn't the worst discrimination i have experienced.
Once i told my management that i have Bipolar, i was put onto a 'caring' mode. I started to receive less tasks, i was asked if 4 hours per day answering the phone (i worked in one of the biggest hospitals in a capital city) would be a 'better' option for me etc. And that's all after i worked on a project that won a tender worth millions of euros for 2 years.
I had another breakdown with voice loss for 2 months. So i left that job...
I have moved back to my home country 2 months ago. New psychiatrist resulted in new medication cocktail, dose adjustment etc. which ended up with another mania and psychosis. I am receiving antipsychotics for 7 days now.
What i found the most difficult os connecting to people. Do I tell? I do receive joking comments as omg you are so weird/strange etc. Do i explain myself?
I have isolated myself a lot recently. Moving countries has contributed to that as well.
I am in the position of building new relationships, meeting new people which i FEAR now.
If anyone has any similar experience please share.
Thank you loads in advance