I can’t take this anymore

My medication isn’t working. I’m still seeing things that I don’t want to see. I don’t know how to describe them. It feels so real, but it isn’t real. I’m hallucinating and panicking. I just want to be alone in my bedroom, but I keep seeing them. I don’t want to see them. I want to be alone. I’m not able to see my psychiatrist. I can’t see her for a long time until the appointment. My parents don’t care. They don’t. The medication needs a higher dose. The doors don’t have locks. The doors can be opened. I act normal in school, but when I’m alone in the house or my bedroom, I start talking to myself. They’re not real. Make it stop. Stop it. Stop.

I’m on the verge. I can’t be sent back, or things won’t go well. I just wanted to get away from my parents and from people. That’s why I sent myself to the behavioral clinic. I felt as if it were a vacation. This bedroom should have locks. I don’t want my brother to come in. It’s all cozy here, but I’m packing. I feel overstimulated by these things. They won’t stop. The medication needs more doses.

I act normal in school. I don’t think I should listen to the voices. Sometimes, or all the time. I don’t know. I’m stupid. I act, talk, or type as if I’m a maniac here. I can’t socialize. Nobody wants to be my friend. I’m terrible at socializing. I wish I could, but no. Should I go to the behavioral clinic again? Maybe I should. My throat is choking.

I just want to go to sleep, but I keep seeing them. Nothing will be normal. Why can’t things go normally? No? No? My dad wants to abuse me. I don’t know. Why. Why. I can’t think for myself. Just stop it all. Stop it.