I really need help

In reply to....  I Really Need Help.....

The heartbreak you experienced, combined with your young age and  the early part of your journey to self-discovery had been a traumatic experience in itself that left you lost, confused and dealing with the mixture of emotions that come with that particular time in our lives.

It was this heartbreak that brought upon you all of these different emotions and there's the possibility you were already a sensitive young person before this happened, therefore the new friendship/relationship with this other person and the following heartbreak will have affected you very deeply.

The mixed emotions, combined with the stresses of being an emerging teen embracing the very early stages of young adulthood in our modern times can bring on feelings of frustration and thus can lead on to feelings of anger.

You had mood swings which were extreme and there comes along the responses by many parents who simply put it down to 'being an awkward teenager'.

These mood swings were your own personal way of dealing with the heartbreak you experienced because it was an experience that affected you so very deeply.  

Sadly.  In our modern times, it is often overlooked by everyone when someone like yourself goes through an emotional incident such as this because they simply believe it is part and parcel of being a teenager.

Although society is changing and developing at such a fast pace in our modern times, people seem to have this passion to hold on to the beliefs of the past and (very unfortunately) it is something our society needs to urgently address.

Today.  A 'heartbreak' can be a very difficult, emotional and even tragic experience in which our society shouldn't dismiss as just a teenage experience that'll pass them by and be forgotten.

Although your post contains only a paragraph or two about your situation and the circumstances behind this aspect of your life story, it's something that people need to acknowledge with regard to what you are going through.

What can be considered quite a trivial aspect of a teenager's life, can in fact be the start of an emotional journey into adulthood which can lead to further complications.

The relationship with your parents became strained and there must have been some heated arguments at times with regard to how you were (or appeared to be) behaving at times.  They may have not shown much understanding and assumed the reason for your behaviour was just merely the 'growing pains' of being a teenager.

Unfortunately, your parents telling you that you need help and not following on with any other explanation or offer of advice is a habit that is becoming so very common these days.  It's what could be described as one of those societal habits of modern times.  

You see someone behaving in a way that either threatens, annoys or makes people feel uncomfortable and the response is simply...  They need help.

Telling anyone they need help is just a way to express some feelings about the situation in such a way as to avoid the challenge of actually facing the real problem.  It's like trying to brush the problem aside, hope it goes away and the comment is itself a 'good all rounder' when discussing someone's unusual or distressing behaviour.

Telling anyone they need help is one thing.  Actually asking the real questions....  What kind of help do they need?  How do they access it?  It's something people (especially parents) cannot face in the first instance of their child's 'unnatural' or 'unusual' behaviour.

 As a result of your heartbreak and the fact your parents show lack of understanding (in which to be fair, they are perhaps very concerned but can't admit to really facing the full truth of your turmoil), you feel lost and are now desperate for help.

The next part of your post is where you really write something that is not only very serious in itself but something that is happening to so many people and is a massive problem that is bigger than any of us truly realize.

It may only be a couple of sentences you wrote but the actual story of your life (or anyone's for that matter because many people can read what you have written here) goes beyond a few words to comprehend what all of this really means. 

To discuss your 'really tough heartbreak', it needs to be borne in mind the difference between the romantic notions of teenage heartbreak and the true reality of how it can have devastating consequences on many of our lives today.

It's often a misconception that teenage heartbreaks are something you just simply get over and move forward with your lives.  However.  This idea was based upon an age when the difference between children, teenagers and adults was more clearly defined.

Teenagers would get together and form their friendships and when it lead on to the excitement and passion of a relationship everything was brilliant....  Until the break-up, when a whole new plethora of emotions would well up inside, creating a feeling of their world completely ending.

Of course.  Their world didn't end and they got over the heartbreak, made more friends and moved on into adulthood.

However.  There were the 'unspoken of' few who didn't get over this heartbreak and the trauma would always be there (even if only a shadow) for many years afterwards.

Yet for many of these people, they just had to quietly move on and get on with their lives because the trauma of these events effecting their mental health was not brought to public light as it is so often today.

Of course, on the subject of mental health issues, the problem is brought into the light but it seems everyone is still very deeply in the dark and cannot find their way out of this darkness and are very much suffering in silence and alone.

Today, in our modern world, people still fiercely hold on to that belief but it is now a different society with regard to dealing with teenage problems, growing up and overcoming any heartbreak that goes with it all.

Perhaps from your parent's perspective, they want to experience a kind of 'nostalga' with regard to their denial of your mood swings.  They genuinely want to believe the mood swings are part of teenage life so therefore put this thought firmly into their minds.

There was a time when mood swings were a part of a teenager's life and that's because there was a time when children became teenagers, then young adults and so on.

There was once a clearer, more defined transition to growing up - even perhaps only a couple of generations ago.

This meant that getting over any 'teenage heartbreak' was something more achievable than it is today.

Over the past couple of generations, children and teenagers have taken more 'centre stage' than ever before with regard to instant knowledge, communication and living their lives more publicly than ever before.

They have garnered so much more respect than previous generations and are so much more admired than ever before.  Perhaps the topic of another debate....

However.  This has come at a high price with regard to mental health affecting the younger generations (including young adults today) and may be a significant contributor to why people like yourself experience serious emotional trauma when left to deal with personal, emotional pain like you've experienced.

Many young adults today (and those that are now getting older) want to embrace the privileges of being fully grown adults but at the same time, now want to continue holding on to the luxuries afforded to them when they were children.

It's as though they don't fully transition from children to teenagers and then into adulthood as separate life stages anymore.

Society has created a teaching (or rather given a teaching via various government appointed expert officials) that encourages adults to continue embracing childhood to a point where many of them still consider themselves to be children.

This now goes on to consider and make some understanding as to what you are going through right now and to also look at why your situation needs to taken seriously and not just treated as 'being a moody teenager'.

It's a mistake in today's modern society to assume a teenager's problems are just some kind of 'phase' any more.

You've been feeling lost and desperate for help.  Only a short sentence or group of words from one teenager amongst many, many more.  

Yet the truth is...  There are many teenagers like you who feel the same way and your sentence regarding the words 'lost' and 'desperate for help' are a few words that echo many young people today.  

A young society lost and desperate for help but sadly nowhere to turn to.  A generation of youngsters approaching adulthood (and the younger children as well) all being constantly told as if being pounded by a continuing drum beating at their heads....

That is....  You are all aware of mental health issues and know how to 'reach out' for help.  Yet in reality, it's not the case.  

There are so many like you out there struggling without finding a way forward through the confusing maze of growing up in this modern, complex society.

You admit to acting impulsively and this includes taking drugs (in which presumably are your way of coping with all your troubles)and this can only lead on to the sad and unfortunate spiral into more depression and despair if you don't act now to stop this.

There are many reasons for people ending up being pushed to the wayside of our society through their mis-use of illegal drugs, alcohol and other forms of substance mis-use.

Many untold stories of lives who'll always end sadly and be forgotten, yet amongst those tragic tales are life stories such as your's.

A life story in which the self-destruction was caused by a single event....  A heartbreak. 

You have good moments when you feel in good spirits and positive about yourself but whenever there's a very small reminder of your heartbreak's cause or just when you feel a bit low, everything in your life spirals back down again.  A vicious circle forms.

Bear in mind also, that when we are fighting the battle with our mental health and feel the darkness of depression creeping towards us, the mind will regress to thinking over and over the events (and always the negative ones) of our past.  Therefore leading to further suppressive, dark and miserable thoughts.

A professional diagnosis will be needed to confirm if you've got BPD and this will mean  visiting your local health centre and making the approapriate enquires.  

Presumably, you'll need to pay a visit to the local doctor or practice nurse and take matters from there with regard to receiving an 'official medical' diagnosis as you may need to undergo some kind of evaluation first.  

This is something where professional, medical advice is needed and it is the only way you'll get that kind of diagnosis.

Getting referred a place to access some counselling/therapy on a public funded basis or attending paid counselling sessions privately will certainly be of help to you and whether or not you are diagnosed as having BPD, it will certainly be advisable to ask the health centre for help with regard to getting counselling.

Counselling will help you to explore the different feelings your are experiencing and help to come to terms with the emotional turmoil of your heartbreak and any other matters in your personal life.  

Again.  It must be stressed that even if you don't have any form of medical, mental health condition, there's still the need for you (and others) to understand the importance of how serious you situation is with regard to your mental health.

People should not just push the problem aside as they always seem to do - even though there is now so much informational noise made about mental health issues...   People are just being shoved to one side and forgotten.

Even if you havn't got BPD, that doesn't at all mean you are experiencing very genuine mental health problems and it's very important that you (and especially your parents) take your problems seriously.

The complexities of modern life, children struggling with so much in their very young, fragile lives, so much information yet no direction or help whatsoever.

Limited funding, resources and nowhere to turn to for help leaves a vast society of young people totally confused as they begin the tumultuous journey into adulthood.

Although there are many reasons for the every expanding number of us suffering with our mental health, heartbreak during the teenage years is one contributor and even if they are told by a medical professional that they have no mental health disorders, this still doesn't mean they are not in serious need of help.  It may be completely the opposite, meaning they still do need extra, specialist help.

That's because nobody really understands the inner true depths of how we all think, even our very own selves.

Of course, there are so many people suffering in the shadows whom have never been able to get a proper diagnosis anyway.

Putting things simply, honestly and being direct to the point...  You are right in saying you need help and your parents should seriously consider accepting the fact you are in need of help.  

This needs to be taken seriously, especially whilst you are still young and yet aware of your situation and genuinely believe the need to take it all seriously.

Putting aside your young age, you accept the need for help and want to find a way of achieving this goal.  This is a first and very positive step forward in which you acknowledge for yourself that there's a problem.

Try to find a way to access counselling and it's not just about your own personal issues but also with regard to the drug taking.  The reason being there are many people who are dealing with both mental health issues and addiction combined - and their story started with an event just like yours.

The deeper and further they travel on that very dark and depressing road, the harder it is to find the light and reach out for the help they so desperately need.

Try to convince your parents you really need to get help.  If that fails, then try contacting your local health centre yourself because they'll find a way to help you if they can.

At this present stage, it's presumed you perhaps cannot afford private counselling yourself.  Though you should be able to reach out to help lines or online counselling.  

You've taken the first step by facing and accepting your problem so now you need to follow through and get the help you really need.