TW
i was diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses by a young age. i was a victim of child neglect, and i was fostered and adopted within a few years by my father.
ive lost multiple siblings in the span of a year. three brothers and a sister, all to suicide. after my eldest brother died my (adoptive) dad relapsed, took it out on us kids. he started going to therapy after my 2nd oldest brother died, and he's on meds, getting better.
im supposed to be on meds for multiple things ive been diagnosed with. ive stopped, they often make me feel worse even if it stops my episodes - just recently i had an episode and ended up out on the street for multiple days as i didnt want to be home, then i was staying with my boyfriend. a few days ago i was in the midst of an episode and ended up getting into a screaming match with my father that ended in me having a suicide attempt. i dont remember much. i know my family is scared of me, but they continue to brush all of this off even though im asking for help. my dad is afraid that'll i'll leave him as well, and i dont want to, but i cant deal with my psychosis or episodes anymore, and im tired of meds. my dad doesnt want to put me into an in-patient institute because it worries him, but we both know i need it. i spend my days leaving in the mornings and not coming back home until 3 AM, out all night doing stupid things with my friends and boyfriend. i dont know what to do and i have no idea who to turn to or how to get help because, as much as my dad loves me, he's afraid to send me away or get me the intensive help i know i need.
im so tired.
@ac313l
I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through. It's understandable that you feel tired and overwhelmed, and it's good that you're reaching out for help. It sounds like you've been struggling with your mental health for a long time, and that you've been through a lot of trauma.
It's important to remember that there are people who can help you, even if it may be difficult to find the right support. Have you considered talking to a therapist or counsellor? They can help you work through your emotions and experiences, and they can also help you find the right treatment plan that works for you. If the meds you've been on in the past haven't worked well, there may be other options that could be better suited for you.
It's also important to prioritize your own wellbeing and safety. If you feel like you're in danger or at risk of harming yourself, please reach out for help immediately. There are hotlines and crisis support services available 24/7 that can offer you support and resources.
I understand that your dad may be worried about sending you away or getting you intensive help, but it's important to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing. You deserve to have access to the help and resources that you need in order to feel better.
Remember that you're not alone in this. There are people who care about you and who want to help you. Don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it.