LOUD

@tryinglittleaudrey

Thats one very expressive picture. I think we can all relate to that.

Hmmm. Crazy? Who are they to judge? Aren't we all a bit crazy? I know I am. Can I suggest "different" instead? Every human being is unique. There will never be exactly the same person twice. I find that amazing. Unbelievable. Yet many find it frightening. And spend their lives trying to conform to some "normal". For these people, anyone who doesn't conform is a threat. And driving people who are different away, by calling them names, is one way to deal with that threat. You don't have to let their name calling define you.

So, I can truthfully say there's nothing wrong with you. You are different, but as it is normal to be different, this makes you normal.

I can see that your difference is causing you challenges. And thus it sucks that you can't find a doctor you trust. Because someone you trust who can help you manage your differences and the challenges they bring, seems like it would be really useful right now for you. They are out there, but they are hard to find and it's rough that you are having difficulties with this. Your frustration is valid and totally understood. 

Thank you for sharing. I hope it might have relieved some of the frustration. Please come share again.

@tryinglittleaudrey

When it comes to mental health issues, “crazy” isn’t a helpful term.  I suspect that it’s mostly used by those who are ignorant of reality when it comes to discussion of mental health problems.  I think when people use the term, they might as well be looking in a mirror and pointing a finger at themselves.  

At the same time, there’s a measure of validity to it if you consider that every single human has some measure of “craziness” to them.  I think a more gentle way of putting it is to say we all have some eccentricities.  In my subjective perception, the craziest people are those who refuse to believe they’re less than perfect.  You know the kind… never admitting to being wrong about anything ever in their lives.  Or if they do admit to a mistake, it’s one they keep in their mental “file” to be used as a symbol of pseudo humility while never admitting to any other mistakes.

Anyway, the ability to recognize that something’s wrong gives evidence to the reality that you are definitely not crazy.     

You’ve mentioned that meds haven’t helped, but also that you can’t find a doctor you can trust.  I think that means you’ve tried one or more doctors in the past, otherwise you wouldn’t have had an opportunity to form an opinion regarding whether meds could be helpful.  

Keep in mind, there are LOTS of medications for the treatment of mental health problems.  Having tried just a few doesn’t provide enough evidence to conclude that no medication can help.  

When it comes to choosing doctors, there may be a question about how trustworthy a doctor is, but a separate question, equally important is whether the doctor feels like a good fit and is easy to trust.  Some doctors may be great and perfectly trustworthy, but have less evolved people skills, so fewer people are inclined to trust them.  

Maybe someone can provide a few recommendations, based on their own experience with a doctor.  

It sounds like you often don’t feel loved, but it hasn’t stopped you from being loving.  That sounds like my growing up years.  Having lived like that for so many years, I had a really hard time figuring out who genuinely cared for me.  One thing that helps is to take note of who is consistent in how they treat you.  In other words, those who day in and day out are supportive and kind, probably genuinely care for you.  A common phenomenon is when you care about another person consistently over time, it’s quite likely they’ll care for you in the same way.  After all, good friends aren’t that easy to find.  

@tryinglityleaudrey

🤗 Hugs! I'm sorry you are struggling with loud voices, and unable to find any treatment or calm. I'm also sorry your loved ones are ascribing derogatory labels to you. Please don't believe them. You may be experiencing some complications with your illness temporarily, but you can and will work through this so you can go on to live a good life outside of the hospital.

Your distrust of the doctors may be a side effect of your illness combined with ineffective treatments. It can be so difficult to find a good fit with a doctor even when you aren't experiencing issues like you have mentioned. Besides it seems hard not to go crazy in the hospital!

Some coping strategies I would recommend you try are journalling. Write down what is going on, your feelings and maybe letters to people in your life that you don't intend to ever send. Additionally if you haven't tried paths on this site I recommend checking a path out on this site. The path guides you to do simple tasks that help you get clarity and give you points at the same time.

I hope you are able to find some peace in your mind and your life, and do update us with your progress.