Bipolar1 and panic disorder -looking for advice or input
I haven't been well for 3 months and had to quit my job due to constant panic and crying spells and I've stopped telling my fiance how I feel because I can feel that he's getting emotionally exhausted. Even if he doesn't tell me I know he is worried sick about me and it breaks my heart. I have other family members to talk to but I wish I could just tell him how I feel without feeling like I'm hurting him in some way .. I know he's not disappointed in me and would be happy to help me get better but I can't help but get scared to talk about how I feel because it's different everyday.. and then I find it easier not to talk to him which is going to ruin our relationship because I can't talk about my feelings ... But I really want to be able to talk to him- I don't know why it's so hard for me
@1Rina
It sounds like you are going through a really tough time. Those "crisis phases" as I like to call them, are hell on earth and usually by the time I open up it's when my sense of reality is already completely shattered. It's so difficult to keep an open channel of communication with others as I tend to feel like I am burdening them with something that they can't really help with or can't understand.
Perhaps start keeping a journal and whenever you feel like he wants you to open up, or that you feel you would want to tell him something, write it down. Reread it later on and see how you feel about what you wrote. If you feel comfortable with what you wrote, let him read it. It may help with getting your message across while feeling safe that you haven't said anything that he possible could have misunderstood or that got lost. I tend to talk faster than I think in these situations and don't realize that I say less than what I mean, which causes confusion at times.
Is it possible for you to schedule an appointment with your prescribing doctor and perhaps find out if they can give you something extra and/or adjust your current medication to get you over this phase.
I wish you all of the best and that you get through this phase. I know how difficult it is as this disorder has cost me jobs and friendships. These phases of irrationality is not who we are and they have a habbit of shaping the course of our lives but with loved ones to support us, who understand this, we can better control it and have more control over our own lives. We just need to know how to communicate what we need and when we need it, so we can reach out for that support.
Stay strong, you are not alone.
Thank you, truly, for sharing how you feel during your crisis phases♥️ I would say it's safe to say I'm in a crisis phase and have lost touch with reality as you explained. I resonate with everything you said and that's a great idea about the Journaling - I will plan to journal my emotions and how I'm feeling, so hopefully I can go back at a later time to relay those messages and feelings to my fiance. This will help me to get my message across appropriately when I'm not so emotional in and irrational. I wish you all the best too! I'm going to keep trying to stay in control of my emotions and panic. Right now I'm on the waiting list to see my psychologist!! Can't thank you enough for your kind words and understanding. It's nice to have "proof" that I'm not alone
@Orthrus