Strange feelings can’t afford to figure it out

Hello everyone, I’m new here for the past few months I’ve been feeling off I’ve been ignoring it and pushing through but recently it’s gotten worse. It’s hard to drive without thinking about something else, I’m hearing weird whispering like it’s like I hear everything at once. I can’t focus anymore, I’m so scared of losing control and going some place mentally I can’t escape. I’m in my early 20s, I don’t have a job currently and my father refuses to pay for therapy, he said I can figure out what’s wrong with me once I pay for it myself. I can’t tell him what I’m feeling he gets angry, and annoyed and tells me to relax I’m just working myself up.I try to be normal and not bother him or anyone else too much. I’m currently looking for a job but it’s difficult to read to understand things. I keep going through these periods of feeling really happy then wanting to cry the next, I’ve scratched myself in frustration I get super paranoid whenever I leave the house, I keep thinking everyone is talking about me scared to eat food because of fear of it being poison etc. I know it’s not logical but I don’t know what to do. Majority of my life I’ve had depersonalization and derealization whenever I get stressed I immediately feel disconnected. I won’t go into detail but I’ve had a lot of bad things happen all at once this past year. And I fear it’s pushed me over the edge and there’s no coming back. It feels good to type this out even if no one reads it.