The Joy of Hypomania

I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar II about 6 years ago, and it was during mixed episodes. I started to doubt the diagnosis about 4 years ago, because I was relatively stable without meds, with only low-key depression. I didn’t really acknowledge it again until 5 months ago, when I had the most serious mood cycles in my life. I’m not gonna lie. I LOVE hypo manic episodes. I have bulletproof confidence, am even more outgoing, take on crazy risk, overspending like crazy, and I am elated. When you stay in a light depression more times then not, hypo mania is almost like a drug, and I have done stupid things to keep the high going. This includes playing with my med dosages (when I was on them 5 years ago), participating in activities that are borderline death wishes (during the most recent cycles), and the very high libido, that could almost be mistaken for nymphomania. I didn’t even want to seek out treatment during this last episode, because I wanted to keep the high. The only reason I did was because the increased irritability was about to cost me my job, and I’m a single mother, I can’t afford to lose my job. I was put on Lamictal and Lexapro. I only agreed to these because I read that Lamictal works by suppressing the lows more then the highs. I saw it as a way to keep my hypomanic episodes. My prescription for Lexapro has now been discontinued since I am almost at full dose of Lamictal, but the lows are coming back, making me miss the hypomania even more. Am I the only one that feels this way about their cycles?