Scared as F for my future career
Hii
My name is Samantha, I'm 18 years old and I'm a senior student in highschool.
Let me share my story a bit
Since I was 8 I've always been interested in STEM subjects and I've always wanted to be an engineer.
At 13 I choose a technical highschool, so I could study more electronics and robotics, rather than other subjects.
Now these are my last months before I finished and I feel so empty on the inside.
Growing up I've always point all my goals on logical stuff, like I've always study, work and barely set connection with other people.
I never had close friends and this makes me feel so lonely.
Few months ago I've discovered this kind of hobby as acting, I never acting my whole life, but the idea of going on a stage, let other hear my voice or speak very good in front of a camera makes me feel so excited.
The thing is now I've lost this passion that I've had in this 10 years, I've sacrificed a lot and I don't want to waste this years
I feel so scared to start engineering, I don't feel the same spark as before. I still want to become an engineer, but I don't study that much right now, I feel so hopeless and always, always tired, it feels like I don't have time.
I feel so confused
I want to do both (engineer and actress) but I don't know what to do
Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent out a bit
@Samantha0011
You can do both. You can do more then you even think of now.
We all have waves of passion for things I wanted to do something and yet after doing it for a while it was not what I wanted anymore. Many skills are transferrable also perhaps a good understanding of stem items would help you if as an actress you were portraying an engineer.
The last years of study are not a waste but is part of who you are.
@Samantha0011
Thank you for sharing your story so openly, Samantha. I can hear how much effort you’ve put into STEM and engineering over the years, and how confusing it feels now to lose the spark for something you’ve dedicated so much of yourself to. It sounds like you’re caught between two parts of yourself — the logical, hardworking side that’s been focused on engineering, and the creative side that’s excited by acting and expressing yourself.
It makes sense that you feel empty and tired when you’ve sacrificed so much and haven’t had close connections to lean on. That’s a heavy weight to carry. What I admire is that you’re noticing these feelings and giving yourself space to explore them — that shows courage.
Even if things feel uncertain right now, it doesn’t mean your years of effort are wasted. Every step you’ve taken has built skills and resilience that will stay with you, whether in engineering, acting, or both. It’s okay to feel confused — many people discover new passions along the way. What matters most is that you allow yourself to grow.
@bubblegumwings1234 thank you for your answer. Unfortunately, studying these subjects has made me interact more with males than females. I'm straight, and lately I've been feeling the urge to have at least one female friend.
@Samantha0011 I would like to audition for a minor role in a TV series. I don't have any experience with btw. I have the opportunity to send the film tape until February 28th
@Samantha0011
Hello Samantha, I hear your wish for a female friend, we all do need some friends in live. Finding a female friend might be tough in your current situation, but not impossible!
Indeed you do have a good amount of time to send tape for the audition, It is an exciting news. Even without experience, sending in the tape is a brave step toward exploring your creative side. Whatever happens, it’s a way of honoring that part of yourself, and that matters.
@bubblegumwings1234 thank you 💕