Do you believe in omens?

Hi there. Someone please help me out.

My end goal since I started undergrad, which was 10 years ago, is to get a PhD because I enjoy learning and having this degree will open many Doors. However, I’ve experienced a lot of adversity through my career. I suffer with a mental disorder which is why it took me longer to finish my undergrad than the average person. And after I finished, I didn’t have enough research experience and my grade point average wasn’t competitive enough so I decided to take more college courses while gaining research experience.

After 3 years, I applied and got into a masters program. To be brief, I got my degree but took almost a year off after because I was burnt out and questioned if pursuing science is meant for me.

Luckily I found a job that restored my passion for science and I started to reconsider going back to school for a PhD. However, I and the rest of the contractors got laid off within a year of starting and my mentors have ghosted me after I left. I’m confused as to why since I had a good relationship with both.

Soon after, I found another job (the one I’m currently in) and started this Jan. Unfortunately, because of ongoing budget cuts, all of the contractors (including me) cannot continue after this year. And what makes matters worse is that I got into a car accident 2 weeks ago and I’m currently still immobile. I desperately want to go back because I only have six months left on my contract and have not really made a lot of progress at my position.

So right now I’m questioning if this is life’s way of letting me know that pursuing a PhD is not meant for me. I didn’t have the best relationship with my mentor in grad school, the mentors in my last job ghosted me, and I don’t know if I can get a good reference from my current mentor since I haven’t really done enough to warrant a strong recommendation letter.

I don’t know where to go from here. Advice?