Daily Check-In: May 21, 2022
Hello everyone! Oh my! I missed posting the check-ins and getting to talk to you guys! Summer is around the corner and that's pretty exciting! Do you guys have any exciting plans for this summer? I truly hope y'all can relax and reflect on your journey! You are doing great and remember you are not alone! We have a fantastic team that is always here for you! 😌
Please get yourself a hot cup of coffee, find a good spot to sit and get comfortable!
Check-in questions
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@ASilentBunny
Hi, Bunny,
1. Who has hurt you the most and why?
My exhusband tried to destroy me. I let him, and he succeeded.
I am not so sure that I would go so far as to say your ex destroyed you. You are actually getting stronger and rebuilding right now. The damage may be bad, but you are doing a great job in working to overcome it. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265,
No, he did. That was 20 years ago. He created the traumatic experience for me. I can describe in detail what happened and what I saw but I won't. I will just say that I can remember the exact moment that I ceased to exist. I was erased. I am rebuilding myself. But please don't tell me that what I know to be true is not true. Thank you, Vase.
I definitely didn't want to minimize your trauma at all. I am sure what you experienced was horrific. My only intent was to remind you of your own strength. That is something I know you have. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Thank you, Vase. I know you're a good person and only meant well.
@purpleTree4652 You have been through so much pain. I am really sorry to hear that and I really wish I could give you a big warm hug and reassure you that everything will be okay. You are so strong and brave and I admire your courage! Despite all the difficulties you are still trying to find a way to balance your life, I am proud of you!
@ASilentBunny
Hi, Bunny,
Thank you for the kind and reassuring words.
@purpleTree4652
I'm truly sorry you've endured hardships that make you feel this way. I too have felt the betrayal of a significant other. Finding effective coping mechanisms to combat the symptoms of depression has been trying to say the least. What coping mechanisms and/or self-care techniques have you discovered to be effective for you?
I'm intrigued with your statement regarding a movie being made. Would love to hear you elaborate if you're willing to share.
I hope you have an amazing weekend!
@xOso
Hi, So
I've been in therapy for over 10 years and have been on psychiatric drugs for about 20 years. I have PTSD, clinical depression and am in recovery for alcoholism and drug abuse. I've tried many different therapies. Nothing works by itself for long. Then the next trauma happened and whatever was working, no longer worked. It only works when I can constantly call on all the therapies that I've used to help me through every situation, every minute, of every day. It's when the good skills outnumber the bad mental habits, that I see progress.
I don't want to talk about the movie. It was made without my approval. Luckily they didn't use my name. I have to let it go.
@xOso
You truly didn't deserve for a significant other to hurt you. I wish you the very best.
@ASilentBunny
1. I've probably hurt me the most. It's taken a lot to be more ok with myself over the years.
2. I was pretty happy today actually. We'll see how that holds up on a six day work week coming up.
3. My life would be a genre defying movie. I'd have to play myself, but playing myself might make me seem so much more intense.
4. I'm doing ok, I'm concerned about juggling everything in my life at the moment. I might need more of a break, but luckily I'm getting one soon.
5. Something to get off my chest... Well, I complain about certain people wanting my attention all the time, but I'd be lonely if I didn't. But I still need to get good about getting my own time and using it to do creative stuff.
Good luck with the busy period. Those are always a challenge, but it sounds like you are ready to meet it. @Torean
@Torean It seems like you are really tough to yourself, why is that? I hope you can take a break soon! We all need one and I am glad to hear that your day was good! How are you doing now?
@ASilentBunny
Hm, that's a good question. I'm not used to things being easy to me, so I don't feel like I can afford to be too easy on myself. Actually, in all honesty, my life is the easiest it's ever been, but I feel like it's important that I keep moving. How am I doing now? Worried. Worried about personal things. But we did have a big breakfast at my job, so that was actually really nice, and today's work shouldn't be too much.
@Torean We all need to keep going and trying to improve ourselves, but it's also essential to take breaks and reflect on your journey. You have to see how much stuff and qualities you have achieved. You also need to congratulate yourself and tell yourself that you got this. Not all days are going to be perfect, but you have to at least give it a try and make that day a little bit better. If you feel like you are worried and stressed, it's okay to take a break. Maybe ask yourself, why am I really worried? What are the best and worst scenarios? Is there anything that I can do to calm myself down? If you are worried and stressed you won't be able to think clearly. If you feel you have so much on your plate it's okay to vent and go for a walk or do something that you enjoy! I mean you do deserve the best and I do believe in you and your powers. You are so brave and strong and I admire your courage. I am glad to hear about the breakfast, that was really sweet!
@ASilentBunny
I appreciate that. There's a lot of wisdom in what you say, and I'm trying to take my time a bit more for it. My current worries are pretty bad but I'm trying to get that in perspective too.
@Torean You need to take baby steps :) You will have moments where you'll feel sad over the things that have happened but don't let that keep you down. And, more importantly, don't let them take away from your positive experiences. If you have some bad thoughts and feelings maybe you need to take your time and acknowledge those thoughts and feelings. That's how you will learn what you need to improve or change in your life <3 I will be there cheering for you and I know you got this! Take small steps and build your way up. It won't be an easy journey, but if others have changed their life in a good way, then why can't you? :)
@ASilentBunny i want to go to the beach at some point this summer but i don't know how i will make that possible. i am so overwhelmed with life.
today i have had a depressive episode. i am coming out of it right now, slowly, but it's awful. i have spent like two hours crying, pacing around my apartment, ranting, angry. i tried to share in the sharing circle but of course there was no structure and no one responding there.
i am in the throws of thinking really negatively... like for example in your post you mentioned grabbing a cup of coffee. i wish. i have yearned to have tea or coffee for months... i can't because despite being in my new apartment for months i haven't yet even *started* cleaning my dishes and mugs, i'm still eating out of paper plates etc.
i have a headache and feel exhausted from this episode. i have too much to do today... i did nothing yesterday so have extra stuff to do today. meanwhile, i feel so miserable i don't feel like doing anything. it's afternoon now and i am half dressed and sitting here having done nothing so far today. i haven't eaten, etc. i feel like such a failure.
my depressive episode started because i was thinking about this new therapist i met with. she triggered me. we went to the same college and yeah, i am triggered by extremely successful, well-established wealthy people, including pretty much all of the people who graduated from the prestigious college i went to. i feel way too much shame and embarrassment just meeting with her. it triggers me thinking of my former self, pre-depression, when i graduated college etc. i have so many negative emotions about my former self, i am angry and grieve that self. i don't even look at my past accomplishments anymore with pride because i accomplished everything when i was healthy prior to my diagnosis... years ago. i am a different person now. every day is a struggle. anyway... i think i need a new therapist, one like my old one.
I am so sorry that you have been so triggered lately. That sounds really tough. How can you begin looking for a new therapist?
Remind yourself with the one that triggered you that she is not necessarily better off than you. Many therapists do therapy because they have needed therapy. Your illness is unrelated to your intelligence or your promise. I too graduated from a prestigious school at a different time in my life. I even have a Ph.D. It doesn't protect me from the biology of mental illness.@fearlessWriter78
i feel like i'm drowning in stress and overwhelm
Did you want to tell us more? I am sorry that things are so hard right now.@fearlessWriter78
@bestVase7265 i have several long term health issues i've been dealing with and worried about. the health system the way it is you have to wait a while for an appointment. i'm behind on almost everything in my life lol it's a lot
When you think about it all at once, I am sure it is definitely a lot. The more that you can see things in little chunks the better. Sending peace. @fearlessWriter78
Hi
These are some good questions, i like them.
1. My own head has hurt me the most. Just my constant depressed and anxious thinking is whats ruining me.
2. The last time I was truly happy was during my wedding day. Currently i try to keep hugging my husband and just spend time with him to make me happy, instead of pushing him away. Thankfully he is very sweet for me.
3. I am doing really bad. I am exhausted and anxious and i just want to hide away from the world.
4. I really am trying to become better, even if it doesnt seem that way to many people
@Alwaysasleep It seems like you are going through a challenging situation right now.. What makes you feel nervous? I truly hope, you will feel better soon! Hugs if accepted <3
There is just a lot going on in my life. I am just very overwhelmed with it all.thank you for the hug though <3
Hey everybody, my name is Seth and I’m new to this community. Lately things have felt like they are going downhill. About a year ago my parents cut me off because they didn’t support the person I chose to be with. Now things haven’t been going my way, and things seem to be falling apart in so many ways. I literally have nobody to talk to, my friends have their own lives, and moved far away.
Then you have people to talk to here. That sounds really lonely and hard. You can share here any time and people will respond. In this particular area of the site, someone will usually respond once a day. If you want more regular conversation, try a listener. Just know that there are people who care and you aren't alone as you find a path forward. @STLockwood
@ASilentBunny
1-my parents.they keep demotivating me and beating me and make me feel bad about myself and hate myself.
2-when i had friends for the first time in my life ,but lost them all.idk if i can do anything about it.
3-idk something related to depression and feeling lonely?ill be the depressed kid
4-terrible,wanna suicide but just aint
5-i am just so sick of my life. having no one to talk to,every person being mean to me,people taking advantaged of me.and uhh those sympathy gainers with that feeling hurt.you know what hurts?pretending everything is okay when its not,losing your mind,crying with the tap on because if you cry and your parents see,you'll be beaten,cutting yourself and not even realizing it,people making you hate yourself,not having a single person to talk to,laying on the floor and just crying your eyes out because you feel so alone and you hate yourself so much you just dont know what else to do.wanting to do something to distract yourself ,but not having the energy to get up,people not even trying to understand you.
That all sounds so hard to cope with. It is a good start to find a place like this where you can be honest. Do you have anyone else that you can entrust with your story?@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 nope
Ok, well let us try and find you someone. Do you have a regular doctor that you see for other stuff?We might be able to brainstorm a way for you to tell him or her without your parents finding out right away. You deserve to be protected and loved and there are good people out there. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 nope ;-;
Then we keep trying and we keep looking. I am not going to give up on you. What kinds of things are you doing this summer to get out of the house at all? @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 nothing
Believe it or not, forcing yourself out will help you a bit even if it is just walking around a bit outside daily. Your brain begins to see things a little more clearly in those 15-20 minutes. Can you start there? I know it isn't people helping you directly, but it will help us start a plan to come up with people who can help. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 i honestly don't feel like going out.there are too many people outside.
I can understand that. But those are the very people who can save you. We need to get you away from your parents somehow. You don't deserve to be beaten. Staying inside can only keep your miserable. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265
my parents will ask where am i going and they wont allow me
Say that you want to go for a walk around the block. Something short will be less suspicious. Do that for a few days and then they might allow you to expand it a bit.
If you really think that they won't let you out of the house, then you should consider getting the police involved. They will protect you from the beatings. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265
Alright ill try to go for short walks
I can't promise that it is going to help at first. But just doing something is ultimately better than nothing at all. If you start out by building a few minutes of peace into the day, then you can grow it from there. Any improvement is worth something. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 okayy
How did it go today? I have been thinking about you. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 umm honestly I didn't go .as I stepped outside ,there were just too many people walking or playing.I cant do it;-;
You couldn't do it today. I can understand the anxiety involved. Try doing it in real baby steps. What about sitting by the window for 1/2 hour or so each day? You can still see animals (even if it is just bugs or the occasional dog) or maybe a tree. Trust me that it helps.
What other kinds of things do you do to feel a little relief?
As you can tell, I typically respond here once a day. However, for the next few days I may be without internet. I still care deeply about helping you and I will be back as soon as I can. I will try everyday to see if you responded to me.@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265
idk i just don't feel like it
i guess music does
no problems
It looks like I will have more internet access than I thought. I am sorry that you continue to struggle. Music sounds good. What kinds do you listen to?
@bestVase7265
nice
Pop and AltZ
Do you have a certain time of day that you like to listen? That is a good way to find a window of peace as well.@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265
nope cuz my parents don't allow me as i told
I think that you might have brought that up with someone else rather than me. Sorry having you repeat yourself. Do you ever do any art or practice meditation? @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 oh I am sorry.
i do love sketching but my parents tear them if they find out.
Keep sketching anyway. Keep listening to music whenever you can. They are acts of defiance which will keep you sane.@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 ill tty
Great! Beat them at the games they are playing with you. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 i want to quit the game
You can quit the game by leaving them behind, walking out the door, and walking to the nearest police station to report their abuse. You have to build a network of trust outside of them. You are strong enough to do this because you know that you don't deserve what you are getting. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 maybe i do deserve what i am getting,idk
@bestVase7265 *I wanna quit the game by suiciding
You are much better than that. You are needed here. You can be brave enough to start finding yourself some help. There is a better life out there. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 idk where to get help from
It starts by doing what you are doing now - talking to me.
Then you need to get enough courage to walk out your front door. You need to see other people in other situations. Walk around the block.
Being inside your own head with parents who are trying to control you isn't going to help.
If you could go and talk to a live person about all of this, who would you feel most comfortable talking to?
Once you figure out that then we can figure out a plan to slowly get you to that person. This is about baby steps rather than giant leaps. Believe that you have the strength to do this.
@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 i don't have anyone to talk to
Use your imagination here. I know that you don't have anyone specific that you can think of. What kind of person would you want to talk to? What would their job be? What might they say?@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 i cant use my imagination as my minds not working as i have a bad headache and i got hurt on my head too as my mom grabbed me by my hair and threw my head at wall because i said i have headache and i wanted medicine
Give them specifics of what is happening to you, especially the physical abuse. Ask them to help you plan out a way to escape.
You deserve much better than what you have right now. You can find safety and peace and rebuild from there. @DamonRocks123
I am sorry for your headache and what your mom did. That really should not be happening. It is something that can change. You are brave enough to try.
What happened yesterday was yesterday. Let us move now into today and try the imagination idea again.
There are no risks in imagination here. You don't have to be scared to let your brain go new places that are kinder and gentler. Nothing is worse than what you are experiencing now. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265
about that'nothing is worse than what you're experiencing now'
i guess something worse happened.
my grandfather died and just now just now my mom beat me with exercise weights and i think my backbone cracked and upon telling her this,she didn't listen and was just yelling at me
The time has come to leave. Nothing good can come of you remaining in your house any longer. Life outside of your house will be better than life inside your house. They have injured you enough. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 idk where to go to;-;
If you are in the U.S. use the following Crisis Text Line and explain that you are being physically abused by parents and need to escape. They can help you formulate a plan: Text HOME to 741741. In Canada text HOME to 686868 @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 i am not from us or Canada either
@bestVase7265 moreover don't have a phone to text with
What country are you from? I can see if I can locate some online support for you since you seem to have a computer.@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 india
Try this page for India: https://befriendersindia.net/helpline-details.html
It says suicide prevention but they will certainly have connections to other resources to get away from abuse as well.
Be really specific from the beginning about what your needs are.
If this doesn't work, let me know and I will look further.
You can do this. @DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 what should i tell them?;-;
Give them specifics of what is happening to you, especially the physical abuse. Ask them to help you plan out a way to escape.
You deserve much better than what you have right now. You can find safety and peace and rebuild from there. @DamonRocks123@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 idk i just don't feel like telling on my parents.
It isn't telling on your parents. It is making your life better and liveable. Your life is worth taking the chance.
I totally get that it is scary to contemplate and that it may take a few days to work up the courage.
The first step is also a smaller one than you are imagining. You are just emailing this organization to find out what the best steps would be. The organization is not going to be able to trace the email back to you.
Information gathering is something you are brave enough to handle. You have been doing it here with me for quite some time.@DamonRocks123
@bestVase7265 alright thanks
I know this is tough. Sending strength and peace as you find a way to move forward. @DamonRocks123
@ASilentBunny
It can be really hard having an unsupportive sister. I had one and it took me years to work through it. It started by accepting that we were different people and that I didn't want to be like her. What other people in your life do you have who are better models?@Zarram77
@bestVase7265 I don't think I have people who are better role models because I actually belong to a dysfunctional family in which my parents always had conflicts from the first day (even if it was a love marriage), and the eldest sister who is mean and a super blackmailer, and the elder sister (middle one) who is so detached that I can't even share anything. So I can say that there is no better role model for me. Not even in my friend circle.
Maybe just looking for a confidante now would help. Any teachers or other people that you see on a regular basis? Just having someone to talk to can help you develop ways to deal with your sister. It does take lots of time and patience. @Zarram77
@bestVase7265 Yes I am lucky to have a mentor. I talk to my mentor through email and she is really understanding and wise. I am just so lucky to have her in my life. I can turn to her whenever I feel bad. She is always there to support me
Sounds good. Your sister isn't going away but you can find ways to keep her words and actions from hurting so much. You don't have to be part of the disfunction. @Zarram77