Chronic regret

This could probably also go in the Anxiety forum. But I feel more depressed about it than anxious.

I can’t stop my mind wandering to regret over past decisions I’ve made. I try to speak kindly to myself. In my earlier years I could look at my regrets with a healthier perspective. I was comfortable with failing, making mistakes, taking a chance. I could tell myself it’s a learning experience, I’m right where I’m supposed to be, I did what I thought was right at the time. Those thoughts don’t seem to bring me peace anymore. I keep making bad decisions, getting in the wrong relationships, not learning from retraumatizing myself. It’s like I’m still trying to process my original trauma and keep purposely finding people like my parents to fix it. I know that’s a thing. I don’t think I am at the time, they seem so different in the beginning, then their true colors come out once I feel stuck. 

I’m just very unhappy with where I am in life right now, so much of life has passed by now, and I wish I’d known better then. I try to tell myself some things can get better, but other things just can’t, like leaving my kids’ father and making them have 2 families. I don’t really regret being away from him, but I’ve never gotten over doing that to my kids. I don’t know if I’m ever going to make a friend. I don’t really know how to have one anymore. There’s more, I just don’t have the energy to explain.

I have a lot of anxiety about making any decisions now, as I’m terrified of making things worse for myself. I feel like I can’t trust my own judgment, I overthink everything. I’m exhausted. I just want to hide somewhere.