Critical Depressive State
i just turned 22 last month 10MAY while I'm stuck at home. I didn't go out for two whole months or more. Immense social anxiety combined with severe clinical depression. My condition is worsening at home, but I'm stuck and don't know how to get out and face the situation. kinda a funny story to tell but for real i need help :.(
I am currently going through a critical period due to a big transition change in my antidepressants. due to this chemical chaos I'm going through a phase of extreme hopelessness 😣 this is really hard for me i just want a way out without hurting myself
@ObitoSadBoy
Dear Beloved,
Changing antidepressants can sometimes cause a temporary increase in anxiety, depression, hopelessness, or emotional instability. Medication transitions are often challenging, but they are usually temporary. The way you feel right now may not be the way you feel once your medication stabilizes.
Consider setting very small goals, such as stepping outside for a few minutes, standing by your doorway, or doing any small activity that helps you feel a little better. When social anxiety and depression feel overwhelming, even small steps can be meaningful progress.
Maintain a basic self-care routine, such as eating regularly, staying hydrated, getting adequate rest, and engaging in activities that interest you. Stay connected to family members, or supportive people. Isolation can worsen depression.
Please be compassionate with yourself during this difficult period.
Healing is Possible 💞
@Eternalbliss00
thank you so much
Hi I leave my door open to help not wanting to go out. The fresh breeze will win you over. Good luck
I completely understand, I am in the same boat. I am not myself and just withdrawn from the world. It’s a tough place to be. It has to get better, it will get better! Hugs
I completely understand, I am in the same boat. I am not myself and just withdrawn from the world. It’s a tough place to be. It has to get better, it will get better! Hugs
@ObitoSadBoy It sounds like a lot of weight. I am glad that you are able to look at it from a side. It’s a big thing to recognize that not everything that our own minds presents to us can be trusted. Thank you for reaching out. Wanna share more? Do you have therapist help? Would going for a short walk alone be doable for you?
thank you. i do not have a therapist. i cannot not go outside unfortunately 😭 I'm stuck
@ObitoSadBoy
If not a therapist then is there a doctor recommendation for the medication changes?
Can I ask why are you stuck?
Would you like to have a therapist? There are online options (including 7 cups paid therapists or free listeners)
yes I am following up on my condition with a psychologist. he just give me meds and advice me to go out more. but I can't even step out our doorstep now😞. i wish if i can see a therapist rn. but i couldn't. yes i talked to some good people listeners.
@ObitoSadBoy can I ask if the not being able to step outside is caused by the anxiety?
@pinkCherry1616 yeah my Social anxiety level have increased excessively. Now, when I stand on the doorstep and someone passes by, I tremble with fear as if I've seen a ghost not human.
@ObitoSadBoy
Oh! It must be really difficult. I am glad to hear you have caring parents and a therapist support.
How does it feel to talk with us here? Any idea how are you able to see us as less scary?
Can I ask if you know where this much of fear comes from? Did someone hurt you?
Virtual hug, if ok 🫂
@pinkCherry1616
yes it is very difficult to handle🥺. my mother she is my hero now. i feel like I'm not afraid of people more than afraid of their judgements it just weird why i jump scared like that when someone sees me suddenly. a lot of fear i can't handle anymore i just gave up now I'm hiding from people both online and irl.
i appreciate you're empathy. you're really a good person 💙
@ObitoSadBoy You don’t sound scared here now. Like you do sound terrified as you say of everyone irl and online but not scared of replying to my earlier questions.
Is this possible? Any idea how?
I think it's because of the idea that you know what's happening to me when read my forum and that you won't judge me for it cuz you are not like a stranger who knows nothing about social anxiety. i just trusted you And I'm not worried that your attitude might cause me bad feelings cuz you seem wholesome
@ObitoSadBoy I am glad that your fear is not preventing you from seeing it like this. I imagine it’s similar with your mom, just more?
It sounds that you are capable of feeling very deeply. And it sounds like even a thought of bad emotions directed at you is paralyzing. Can you remember last time when you felt a stranger judge you harshly? Would you share how did it happen?
@ObitoSadBoy how is therapy going?
Hello 👋 @pinkCherry1616.
thank you really 😊
Honestly, I haven't seen a therapist since then. I'm still the same, only a little worse because I don't go out at all anymore. I really want to go out, even just once, to go shopping. But it's only when I start thinking about it and imagining myself outside that my thoughts begin to race, illogical ideas overwhelm me, and I'm paralyzed by the surge of cortisol and adrenaline. 🥲 I'm suffering fr and no one is believing me. I lose myself at home day by day, I feel like a prisoner. and I don't know what to do about it or how to escape it
@ObitoSadBoy What if for few days you tried to imagine being outside and meeting someone who feels familiar like your mom or maybe me? To build more balanced internal representation? Does this picture make sense to you? Are you able to hold it for a bit without letting the anxiety override it?
Sure, outside, there are different people. Still, we go out to live our lives and enjoy meeting those who are worth meeting for us and often ignore others.
@pinkCherry1616
Yes, what you're saying makes perfect sense to me. I wish I could do that without my fears interfering. But somehow I noticed that I was no longer just suffering from this constant fear, but my self-confidence had also drastically decreased due to my complete isolation from all my friends and family. Even if I seem to think about it the way you suggested, feelings like guilt or feeling unworthy well hunt me down eventually. I feel ashamed of myself; I believe it's due to my weak personality resulting from this isolation. 😪 This is very very..... i dunno what to say. I'm stuck in a cycle I can't get out of.
@ObitoSadBoy
Being stuck in a cycle like that is not fun. There is something about you naming it. The awareness of it can help look at this from outside of the cycle even though you are the one affected by it.
Skipping from the abstract talk now 🙂 There is a reason for why I asked if the anxiety pushes the good image out right away. I felt it probably would. I was not upset about it with you. It is just a state of this cycle. What if we set the blame aside. It just hurts you. It’s not helping. We don’t need it. We need to interrupt the cycle. One step at a time.
Can you continue bringing this image back for the next 3 days? Can you try watching the sneaking in guild and anxiety with curiosity and compassion instead of judgement? See if sometimes you can bring the good image back? Become observer instead of a judge?
Would you tell me how it is going when you notice something?
Can you tell me now in details how do you picture being outside with someone you like? How does it feel? What is the weather? Can you hear something? Do they smile?
Yes😮, @pinkCherry1616
I've noticed that. When I start to imagine a good image, that bad feeling creeps in, and I see myself in a bad light, as worthless and a source of embarrassment. I just have to hide myself and not hurt those I love...
:.( This is really a bad distorted image of myself i see everytime i put myself somewhere. as today i really wanted to go shopping but i failed and couldn't i couldn't ask my mother to go with me cuz of that distorted image i see of myself.
i imagine myself failing socially by doing something awkward or i may have a panic attack mid talk with someone it will finish me.
But one good thing i noticed is that when I dream, I dream of myself healthy and psychologically stable (regulated). I see myself studying with my friends, walking in rain with my girlfriend, eating ramen 🍜 with my dead dad, talking to people normally, and being very sociable. I don't feel any fear or phobia. But when I wake up, that bad feeling and pessimism return.
[Something happened just now, as I'm typing to you. My mom came into my room unexpectedly and gave me a peach. I don't know what came over me; it was like I froze from the intensity of that feeling, as if I didn't deserve such treatment (unworthy / guilt).]
I don't know why my personality has become so ill like this. 😭
@ObitoSadBoy
You see a lot. Will we practice for few days the dream image during the awake time and less judgement for others thoughts but more curious observation?
Would you want to move our conversation to a listener chat?
@pinkCherry1616
yes please
@ObitoSadBoy
How was today?
@pinkCherry1616
Unfortunately, I spent the entire day forcing myself to sleep; I didn't want to wake up. I took my antidepressants and forced myself to go back to sleep every time I woke up with a headache and a heat from sleeping so much. I just woke up with a terrible headache rn🤕. I couldn't face this day for some reason I don't know. Forcing myself to sleep like this is a way to escape reality, as if I'm numbing myself so I don't feel the pain.
@ObitoSadBoy It’s sad to hear. What about today? Were you able to bring this image up? Maybe 1 time at first?
I am curious, would you tell me what kind of view do you have from your room’s window?
@pinkCherry1616
yes 🙌 i tried that once, i brought back a beautiful memory from 2024 and I relived the experience. That day, three high school classmates invited me to go eat pizza with them.
it is actually a good view 🪟 looking out over a large majestic mountain filled with trees and houses.
@ObitoSadBoy
Can you tell me how does it feel in your body to relive this experience you remembered?
The view sounds nice 😊 Does your window get good sun exposure? Are you able open it and look outside comfortably?
It was a good feeling of satisfaction and wonder at how I was able to do that back then in 2024 specially They were three girls from my class and i didn't have any money they just bought me food😄, so strange why I was completely relaxed, as if I were in a dream. It's as if my social anxiety has completely disappeared that year because of these three girls from class.
unfortunately it not like that I haven't been in the sun for a long time. And our house is on the ground floor, so I can't open the window without someone walking by and looking at me😞. i hate this when people stare a lot. I can't look outside comfortably only at night 🌃
@ObitoSadBoy it might feel strange in comparison to now. I am not a therapist so my advice is not professional but I would like you to explore those feelings. To really get curious about the difference.
Can you tell me? What was the difference? How do you think you were able to be this relaxed? Was it real?
It sounds that now your way to deal with worst days is to force yourself to sleep. What if you forced yourself to remember the no-anxiety state?
I really think your brain needs to get busy with some task. What could you commit to learn or plan or explore?
About the sun: did you ever tried to stand in a sun with your face turned directly at it and eyes closed? Just enjoying the warmth on your skin?
@ObitoSadBoy How was today?
@pinkCherry1616
sorry i didn't replied yesterday i couldn't
Unfortunately, I spent another day forced sleeping. i just woke up again with the headache 😔 AGAIN.
thank you really for checking up on me
it means everything for me 💕
@ObitoSadBoy ☺️ I want you to find strength to decide and stick with your decision… I want you to feel that it matters.
You need to be able get out of bed and do things you choose. Even if it is just choosing to remember positive social experiences at first. If you choose that this is what you want and that it matters then don’t let your mental sate override it. It’s something I believe you can win. Do you think that working on your thoughts can help you or you are not convinced? What makes you think that way?
@ObitoSadBoy how is it going?
@ObitoSadBoy
👀
@ObitoSadBoy ☀️
Hello 🤗 👋 @pinkCherry1616
@ObitoSadBoy hey 🌸😊
The emojis you included are happy. How are you?
I'm pretty fine now thanknyou :). I have been through a lot of things lately. I don't if I should tell you this. But I really want to vent to you. I just got back home few days ago I was in a clinic. When I finally left the house for two consecutive days, I had a nervous breakdown because of my father's friend who came to get me out of the state I was in. Because of his words and his ignorance of my illness. His ignorance of mental illnesses in general. I cried a lot. I took an overdose of a narcotic drug immediately after the nervous breakdown, right after I got home. I took more than 9 olanzapine 0.5 tablets. I was admitted to the intensive care unit twice. Once due to an overdose of medication. And once due to myself harm. I had my stomach pumped in the emergency room. And I was taken to the ambulance the second time, when my anger intensified and I hurt myself bad I cutted my arms with a piece of glass. They locked me in the clinic for days until a professor in neuropsychology came to assesses my condition and talked with me and gave new antidepressants he switched and increased my fluoxetine 20mg dose to an 50mg sertraline. It's really interesting story 𥲠isn't it ?
@ObitoSadBoy So… I might have never heard back from you…
pinkCherry1616. Yes indeed... 😥. But I'm back again never giving up. Trying again to face the situation with my new antidepressants Zoloft Sertraline 50mg. The SSRI medications usually take more than 4 weeks or 6 to start making noticeable changes. I really thank you though ♥️. Going through this knowinf that there's someone in the world who cares about me is Something that brings joy to the heart. Even though we do not know each other personally it something beautiful. A state of humanity and compassion from you. What a kind soul you are.
@ObitoSadBoy
it’s… difficult.
I feel that what you told me needed trust. I value it. Thank you. And thank you for telling me my presence makes a difference. It’s wonderful gift to receive.
I am confused with how your update sounded almost cheerful… Would you tell me more about it? I would like to learn about what happened for you and how you really think about it. It’s too delicate for me to guess. Like you could use humor to cover some discomfort or you could genuinely feel happy that you got saved, or it could be new hope around new medicine or you could feel satisfaction that a point was made about your mental state to someone who thought they knew better, or a mix of this and more…
Do you know how to write a 1:1 message to me, if you wanted?
@ObitoSadBoy I understand the feeling of social anxiety; it's really uncomfortable with the judgment. And you have severe clinical depression, it'll be worse and worse if you still have no sunlight. I'll give you this guide to help you force yourself to go outside.
@HealingwithMinionn
i really appreciate it. I will take a look at this guide
Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. That sounds like so much to deal with, especially all at once. 🤍
If you want, we can just talk. You don’t have to explain everything perfectly or know what to say. I’m here to listen, and we can have a normal conversation about whatever is on your mind.
I know things probably feel really hopeless right now, but please don’t go through those thoughts alone. Are you safe right now? Just take things one moment at a time.
And if you feel comfortable, tell me what’s been the hardest part for you lately?
Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. That sounds like so much to deal with, especially all at once. 🤍
If you want, we can just talk. You don’t have to explain everything perfectly or know what to say. I’m here to listen, and we can have a normal conversation about whatever is on your mind.
I know things probably feel really hopeless right now, but please don’t go through those thoughts alone. Are you safe right now? Just take things one moment at a time.
And if you feel comfortable, tell me what’s been the hardest part for you lately?