Depression and helping others
My depression and anger are spiking lately. I lack the privacy to vent in any other spaces because I have taken in family who was in a dangerous situation that they had to leave. My home feels like it's not my own and they are on all my social media. I don't want to air dirty laundry as their privacy is important but I just can't keep going like this. In addition tonthe stress caused by their situation I have the stress from making space for them here and them still just not getting it. I can't even articulate it properly here now. I'm just getting to a point where such little stuff is agitating me. I even tool the time to tell them what was bothering me today and even with that they just did it anyway. Like my feelings didn't matter. I know it was a dumb thi g to be upset about but that's how I felt and I eve said it and it just didn't matter. What am I supposed to do with that?!
And I have to wonder, why is anger such a big part of my depression? Is it a part of my personality? Is it because I feel like I was raised with certain expectations and so seeing everyone else fall so short of what I was told are basics makes me angry? There's a lot of feeling betrayed mixed in so there's that too. A lot of loneliness from not having trusted people to talk to.
Hi there 👋. I felt your post so much because I feel anger within my depression as well. ALOT more frequently as of recently. When you're in your home but feel you don't have space to yourself or you feel overstimulated with everything going on around you brings out the anger because it feels disrespectful that you make it known what's bothering you but no one actually takes it into consideration. You were generous enough to open your home to them, yet they can't have the same consideration for your feelings. I'm not really good with explaining things but that's what it seems like to me. I know myself growing up, I had a lot of anger within my teen years because I felt that was the only way people would hear me. Whenever I tried to be nice about anything, they shrugged it off unless I became aggressive or yelled to get my point across. Unfortunately, they still didn't listen which then turned my anger into sadness and frustration. I hope you get some clarity and peace soon.
I have decided to make an attempt with my dad. He wants to spend way more time with us lately and doesn't understand that after spending a lifetime not building the emotional part of the relationship that he cant really just come around and make demands on my time and energy without doing the social and emotional work first. We are opposite sides of the political spectrum and that causes tension especially when he brings things up. I'm in the process of writing things down that need to be addressed with him and even his wife including going thru family therapy to deal with these things. It's causing a ton of painful emotions and anger for me and I have a lot of desire to just not go thru with it.
That sounds like a great plan. Writing everything down is a good first step to trying to heal a little. Take it a day at a time if you can get him to agree to the counseling. @SnappyTurtlegirl
Depression brings up so many emotions. Sorry that you are struggling a bit. Venting here every day can really help. If you just keep attaching to this thread, I will try to answer almost daily. @SnappyTurtlegirl
How have you been doing?@SnappyTurtlegirl
I had been doing better mostly. Today was tough. We were hosting something and I was dealing with phone customer service after people already arrived. I started to feel a bunch of things and I could feel this ragey panic coming. I kept it off during the phone call but shortly after, had a panic attack with full on hyperventilation. It had me thinking about what causes them and I felt like it was more like a rage attack from having to suppress so many different things I want to say but can't. Idk, all panic attacks are from getting overwhelmed but maybe the name is a bit of a misnomer.
Panic attacks are always really hard. Remind yourself that it is just your brain overreacting and you can't always control that.
What kinds of things do you do once the panic attack starts to calm yourself back down? @SnappyTurtlegirl
Frankly, even though I knew it was coming and my husband was able to grab my prescription for me, I was hosting a party so I didn't really have time to deal with it much beyond that. I felt rage instead of just the unnamable dread of most the attacks I've ever had before. He and I talked about the things that had triggered it but that was pretty much it for that day.
Well thinking through it afterwards is a great step. One thing that can work for me sometimes is grabbing a glass of ice water. @SnappyTurtlegirl
@SnappyTurtlegirl Please let me know how you feel and msg me if you want ❤️