Divorce
I don't know where to begin. My wife came to me last week and told me that she wants a divorce. She said that she's been struggling with this for 2 months.
She tells me that we have grown apart and that we are roommates. She says she can't see herself being my wife again when I bring up counseling. I tried for a week to be more attentive and talking with her but it seemed cold.
I tried to talk again yesterday and it now turns out what drove her to this and why she's not willing to try and give up on 11 years is because she is tired of struggling to get me to let her in and her always having to force her way in. She even mentioned that I never took her advice to get help to get meds or go to counseling for myself so she's just done.
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like a failure as a husband and as a person. And I feel alone.
@SgMFluffy
maybe the word divorce can bring others out of a fog.
I mean when a wife/ spouse decides this........... it is longer then a few months.... we put it off rationalize and finally the feelings take time to fade....... to just being a roommate and no longer see a way forward.
When did you notice she was unhappy ? when did you see her pulling away ? suggesting counselling at this late stage and think a few dinners out and pretending you are interested only angers us.... trying to take care of your health or mental health now after who knows how long is for YOU not her.... It was not about her advice or nagging or trying to talk you into it....
Opening up and learning to communicate is worth it.......... to not end up alone and wonder how it happened.
If you have not realized i am in the same place as your wife ...... even with some improvement I cannot see a way back ..... you are not alone .... many a spouse seems to only come to when their partner asks for a divorce.
i hope you can reach her........ coax the smallest ember back to a a flame ....
Thank you for your reply,
Yes I saw us growing distant and her pulling away. I did mention it to her a couple times that I did not feel heard or she would dismiss my feelings from time to time. However those conversations were short and didn't bring out much.
I understand she struggled to get me to open up from time to time, I know this was my fault and that I should have been more open. I did not think that a week of me trying to show I care would fix everything, never thought that. I did though think we were at a spot to have another conversation about what we could possibly do and how we could move forward to which she told me she was tired of trying.
I truly hope the best for you too.
@SgMFluffy
Do not give up trying ..............I have been cold when he has tried not because i really feel that way but because i am hurt / angry and wonder why was i not enough to try hard to fight for. If she seems distant still tell her....... many conversations may be one way.... but if you want to find a way try it.... let her know you saw here and did not know what to do. it will not solve things but it will open the door a crack.
Thank you, I will take this to heart and I won't stop trying. No matter how many times she tells me she hasn't changed her mind. At least until idk.