Existing
I just have a very numb feeling right now. I don’t feel happiness. All my hobbies don’t do anything for me. I took a week off work and I just feel lost. I really really don’t want to work anymore and I don’t want to be at home, I don’t want anything. I just feel the pressure from my parents to do it.
I started back at work today and felt really anxious, and felt the same, not good enough vibes. I got triggered by my boss mentioning to look up products and research them for product knowledge. I don’t want to do that. That feels like homework to me, and I feel enormous pressure and anxiety at the sound of her mentioning that. It made everything worse. I felt so much anxiety and so much overwhelment.
I just feel extremely broken, I don’t feel like I can do anything with shattering into a million pieces. Nobody can say anything to me, without feeling like they’ve said something wrong. Or at least that’s what my parents think.
That’s another thing… I feel like I’m disappointing my parents because I’m not going to work (took a week off), because I’m struggling at work still (but I don’t mention so I don’t disappoint).
I’m having another week off next week, but the thing is I feel like my parents think I’m lazy as and my parents think I need to do better (that’s what I think). So that makes me feel forced to work, which I feel anxious and don’t like it. I just feel really trapped.
My mum sent me this today ‘Just a thought but zero stress if it doesn’t work for you. Do you think you still need to take all of next week off? Could you start your 4 days as of next week? Just a thought ??’. Listening to that makes everything worse and she does it all the time. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough, or I need to be better because I’m lazy and right now I’m not meeting my parents standards. Which makes me want to curl into a ball and stay in my room. I just don’t know how to deal with all at the end of the day.
I just feel like I’m not doing the right thing. I dont want to do anything. I hate my life. I hate work so much, I hate home. But I feel pressure from my parents to get up and *** do something. I feel like I have to make something of myself, but I don’t know what I want to be, I don’t know where I am in this world, I just exist, that’s all I know.
@GracieMACK
You are not lazy at all.
It's hard to feel that you are existing solely and not living 🥺
It's about taking things one day at a time .
Small, manageable tasks to build up your confidence .
Looking after you.
Not trying to carry everyone else's expectations.
Be gentle with yourself.
Things can and do get better 💜💕
Thank you @Amanda84 that means a lot. Your words help me through this tough time x
@GracieMACK
The pleasure is all mine truly 💜💕
@GracieMACK @GracieMACK You are not wrong for feeling this way you are doing what you feel is right take it slowly but surely one percent at a time nobody can tell you how to deal with things because they aren’t you but remember this you are good enough and although I may not know you if it helps know I’m rooting for you every step of the way what helped for me is setting tiny goals and slowly getting back into doing things but don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t work you got this you are stronger than you think no matter what never give up because you are a priceless human being and if you feel unwanted just know a random stranger is rooting for you to overcome this
Thank you so much @fairmindedVillage5874 x
