Extreme loneliness
Hello. I’m a 19 year old male. I’ve been struggling for a long time now. I let myself slip and am now suspended for a semester from college. I turned to my parents and talk to them about the things I’m going through but they didn’t believe me. They thought I was making everything up as an excuse for my poor grades. They’re extremely disappointed in me and it’s really difficult opening up to them anymore. It feels like they’ve always loved my siblings more than me.
I’ve never really had many friends. My english is really good, but having moved into the US 7 years ago, it was very difficult to adjust to the new environment. I’ve met people, but I feel like I’ve never made strong connections with them. I’d always be the only one texting first, or setting up things to do. It was obvious I was the only one putting in effort into these friendships. Through high school, I made this really good friend. We were the two single guys in the big friend group. Whenever people were hanging out with their girlfriends, we always had each other to have fun with. We’d do everything together and it was obvious that we were best friends. I knew I didn’t have many friends, but I never felt lonely because I had him.
One year into college he got a girlfriend (which I kind of set them two up). I’m happy for him because we’d always joke around how we’d be single forever, but now he now barely has any time for me. He now spends all the time we used to spend with his girlfriend instead. And I feel like I’ve been annoying to him because he feels the need to lie to me saying he’s busy just to spend time with her. I don’t know what else to do except to just leave him alone now.
I’m trying to stay strong, so I don’t fall back to rock bottom, but it’s really hard. Every time I start getting better something else is always there to push me back down.
@Gabriel04 Bro, I don't know how to call you, but I sometimes feel the same. I am not born to be a leader or a centre, and I have a very deep voice, which makes listening to me speaking boring. The thing is, sometimes you need to learn to love yourself, and try to self-entertain. there are many people who are not fashionable, and it is impossible for everyone to pay the adiquate attention on you as you wish. As a consequence, talking to yourself and hanging out along is necessary. Be positive, and get some interests. Listen to music that can cheer you up. most importantly, get some friends that can truly understand you. After all, you are only facing what all adults will face. Have fun!
It reminds me of the movie I just watched called Close.
Have you tried any sports or activities or events to meet people who share your hobbies? I know it’s hard to make new friends and it takes time.
Not sure what’s your view on dating apps but it could be a way to meet people.
@Gabriel04 I moved to the US 8 years ago and I've had similar struggles and everything can be difficult yeah but... maybe my experience can help? mindset honestly is everything. you can take this time to experiment. with your style, music style, learn an instrument you've been thinking about, join a theater production, put up some posters, go to McDonald's at midnight, walk around jamming out to music on your headphones, just absolutely fall in love with life and love being in your company. people notice that and will drift to you, people who love life by themselves or with others are rare to find and are so cool to meet, and nothing says you can't be that person! and with making friends, all you need to do is introduce yourself, and let it go from there. remember no one is expecting you to be perfect at making friends, and you don't need to expect that of yourself either. people will keep coming into your life :)
It is very easy to crash and burn at college in the first few years. The number of students that it happens to is really, really high. Trust me, I advise young college students for a living. I am so sorry that your parents have been less than understanding.
It can be really hard to make friends especially as older friendships evolve. There is lots of room for pain there as well.
The key is to try to find a way forward on both fronts. What kinds of things are you doing with your time off from school? You can also think in terms of some of your hobbies and things your like to do to find a better small friend group. So tell us more about yourself. @Gabriel04
Hello everyone. Thank you so much for all the replies, seeing them all brings a smile to my face, it means a lot. I got a job last week so I’ve been doing that. I enjoy it so far, although it can be stressful during rush hours, it’s a really nice environment. I’m usually in the morning shift but I’m trying to pick up any extra hours that I can. I’d just rather work than stay at home. I never have anything to do at home, and having to deal with my family is exhausting sometimes.
I’ve been thinking about some hobbies I could start, but I don’t really know. Most of my free time right now is either spent playing videogames or sleeping. I like going to the gym sometimes, but most of the time I just can’t find the motivation to go. Right now I’m going 2-3 times a week to the gym. It’s a little hard to since I also don’t have a car of my own. I’m either using my dad’s car whenever he’s not using it or asking him for rides.
I did try dating apps for a while back when I was desperately looking for a relationship, but I’m not currently on them anymore. Seeing all the people around me in relationships made me feel as if that’s what I really wanted. I did get quite a few matches, but I came to the realization that I never know what to say/do. It’s just something completely new to me and most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing.
I don’t really have any long term goals, and I have no idea where my life is going to take me, but for now I just plan on working until January so I can get back in college. I will also be trying to explore new hobbies, because while I do really enjoy work right now, I’m sure eventually it could change.
Although I’m not happy, I’m not necessarily sad either. I will feel lonely sometimes, but that’s just a feeling that’s familiar to me already, and it always passes. What keeps me going right now is the knowledge that to be not lonely, I must make myself a likable person, and just be the best version of myself I can possibly be.
Thanks again for all the love, no one ever really messages me these days anymore unless they need something from me, seeing these replies makes me feel happy and thank you all again for that.
Having a job is great! What kind of work are you doing? What kinds of things do you find that you enjoy about doing the job? That is how you can begin to think about hobbies and a direction for college.
Were you part of any clubs or sports in high school? It is fine if you weren't. But maybe there is something that you would have joined if you had the gumption to do it. That can be a good starting point.
Working out is also a good starting point. What do you like about working out?
What kinds of things do you like to watch or do online? All of them are ways to develop a better network.
Glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better and recognize that what you are experiencing now is a rough spot but not impossible to overcome.
Keep coming here and we can continue to support you.