Failure
I didn't want to really come back to 7cups with my problems but.... I don't have anywhere else to really turn to, and kind of trying to find others who can relate. I was attempting to improve my life, but it feels more like 1 step forward and 2 steps back... I feel like just laying down and never getting back up again. However, I can't do that when the little one relies on me heavily...
My post was initially WAY longer, but I guess it had trigger words, that the cr1sis pop-up kept showing and I had to edit multiple times, though couldn't figure out WHAT triggered it that I'm starting over fresh, albeit with a shorter, less passionate post as I feel exhausted...
I'm just tired of the chronic pain. I'm tired of the PTSD, depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. I'm tired that I don't have support in real life and feel alone. I'm tired that when I finally find the courage to leave my house, I get harassed by strangers. I'm tired that when I decided to be open on the purple "Disgust" instant messaging app, that I get back stabbed. Never was a fan of social media, so planning on deleting that along with the red app "Cora".
I don't know if I want to try as hard anymore with building bonds outside of 7cups, I'm OK with being anonymous here...I'm not OK anymore with opening up heavily to people I know or meet now. I need a lot of time to recuperate...
I'm tired of pretending to be OK when I haven't been for ages. I just want to vent out these bottled feelings, but can't fully do that due to it being censored on here...sadly...Although, it's better than having nowhere else to throw these feelings.
I've tried to rebuild my life and improve. I quit alcohol, weed for over 100+ days. I've gone to the hospital to improve both my mental and physical health. I try to eat better and no longer eat take up. I've attempted to go outside, even though I have extreme agoraphobia due to someone I trusted attempting to delete me from the world and causing permanent physical damage and possible brain damage. I'm trying to do online classes for a license I want, even though I really can't work anymore due to the dizziness, nauseous, pain, lightheadedness, etc that I experience nearly daily...
I just...sometimes feel like nothing is really working...
I'll leave it at that for now, the more I write it might get censored again.
@ImpudentIncognito
man I feel it dude it’s just hard to get up and actually do things after you get hit so hard and don’t got nobody to really cry to about nothing. My girl just left me and I’m terrified of the future now. Idk what I’m gonna do
@ImpudentIncognito If you need somewhere to "scream into the void" more or less, try the Vent app. I've used it as my technology-based journal for when the thoughts get to be too much. It helps to also write good things in there too so you can go back and reminisce. Best of luck
@ImpudentIncognito I can totally relate...really I don't want to have to get therapy but it sometimes comes to the point where I have to.i totally understand
@ImpudentIncognito this hurts deep just hearing your heartfelt story and I truly empathize with you. I am sorry that you had to go through this challenging experience and one thing I learned is that once we start hurting and we don't heal from it, there is a high tendency to bleed on other people. So please I want you to know that your feelings are valid and all of us here on 7Cups are ready to listen and support you.
If you need to talk, I’m always here. You are precious and not alone ❤️
Keep your head up. If your going to therapy there are a lot of support groups you can attend with people who are going through similar challenges.
@ImpudentIncognito
First off I am so sorry that you feel like this. I relate to this. I don't have agoraphobia. but I have lots of other issues. It is hard that you don't feel supported. Have you heard of Rosebud journal? its helped me a lot. it does not censor me and helps me to make post that will get my point across without triggering someone else.
I have a touch of the tizum if this is to much or not what your looking for feel free to ignore
I am also looking to connect with someone else who get how cptsd is not just something that I can just move on from and I am so tired of the pills.
I have fibro, lupus, ra, audhd, and cptsd in many forms including medical gaslighting.
Hey dear,
I completely understand your situation and i understand how it feels to be stuck at a place for quite long. I know sometimes when we keep trying, we aren't still able to see any solution or figure out our way out.
I could see that you are tired of this situation and tired of the experiences that build in.
I was once told that its okay to not be okay and even though you can't find a solution after trying, I'm still very proud of you for trying at the first place.
You are a warrior and things maybe challenging but don't lose hope dear, that's our only light to follow and reach to the end of the tunnel.
Keep giving yourself chances because you weren't born with the knowledge of how to solve this situation. You are still learning and so be easy on yourself because it isn't your inner self's fault.
Be proud of yourself and know that even tho you can't see it, your small steps make a difference.
You are trying and you will be okay, keep being there for yourself♥️
