I am a F-A-I-L-U-R-E
I am 26 year old male. I am going through depression. The one I loved is now married to someone else. I admired her for 4 years, she meant the world to me. However it was a one sided love, yet I gave her a lot of clues that I love her. Now she is married, and I can't get over her. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't sleep at night, she is all over my mind. It's been a month since I am suffering from depression. My head often fills up with suicidal thoughts.
Other than this, I have a failed career. I am a jobless guy, with very less money to eat. I am suffering from social anxiety too. My confidence level is zero now. I don't apply to jobs anymore as I fear being at workplace. I am not sure if I will be able to manage at workplace. I am a graphic designer by profession, I mostly do freelancing. But don't earn much. I want to do some job but I am coward to do it. I fear everything.
All this above makes me a failure. All these thoughts don't let me sleep. My love life is failed, my career is failed. I dont know why do I even exist.
@muzamilabbasi123
I am sorry you are feeling the loss of a love .... that was one sided and mostly how you imagined it...
I think letting go of how we wanted things to go.. or we imagine things will go is Harder then letting go of other situations. you loved what you know of her but there may be items you never saw... who people are in public/ work etc doe snot let you know how they are 24 hrs and at their worst....
Apply for and start new job and meet new people and your life in your head will fade.....
Although I haven't had a one-sided love before, but my first love married someone else within a year of our breakup. Now they're happily married for 17 years now, with 2 sons. I can imagine how you feel with the heartbreak, almost like a betrayal and yet, the other person will never know. I fell into depression for the breakup, and fell even deeper when I found out my first love getting married.
I started working a lot, like 2 full-time jobs.. I would work the morning shift for one, then, work the evening shift for the other.. luckily, back then, the retail stores I worked at were literally beside each other, in a strip mall. So, I could easily go to work, just had to change my work clothes. I kept myself busy with work, and I eventually got over it. To this day, I haven't really forgotten my first love, but I'm also happy that they're happily married now.
Since you're a Graphic Designer, have you ever used something like Fiverr? You can post your works and get people to hire you to do graphic designing.. There is a thing going on at the moment where people are looking for book cover designers.. Just a thought, maybe you can practice some designs, post it on platform like Fiverr and see if customers will be interested to hire you. There are other platforms of this sort that you can try. Sometimes your customers might ask for like a video call, but you don't have to agree, or you can write in your description that you don't do video calls. That way, you don't have to deal with customers and will help with the social anxiety.
Take it one step at a time.
@muzamilabbasi123