I feel lost
Hello this is my first time posting here, kinda anxious to do it
Keep in mind im straight not conservative
I been going trough a rough time all my life and i been trying to stay focus with my goal all the time while everything falls appart
Last year i meet a person, the most wonderful one i ever met. They teach me to be kind, to take care of even the smallest bug. They love me (i think they do) and we connected in ways we never thought it will be possible, every problem we had was fixed with dialogue
But then one decision came through, they want to transition. I told them in this exact words "I can't ask you to stay they way you are, im not the one who decides your happiness...you are"
With that we started to see less and less. At the point we barely text each other
Even when there's still love we cannot continue for that. I wish i could have follow their path but feels like is over
No more morning or night messages
No more kisses, hugs or handholding
It feels strange
The last meet up we made i felt so empty and wanted to cry all the way home. And when i arrived i cried
I tries alcohol (ik bad idea) to forget about it but make it worst. Mom is dying and family betrays me daily
I dont know how to deal with this
I miss them a lot but i dont want to hurt them anymore, i want them to be happy. But this feeling burns me everyday and night
Every morning and night when i wake up i say "Good night sleep well" or " good morning hope you slept well" to myself with their name cause i know i will bring them bad feelings for doing that
@Nikkox
Hi Nikkox. Thank you for sharing ths. I can tell how much courage it took just to post it.
It sounds like you loved this person so deeply that you chose their happiness over your own comfort, even though it’s left this massive, hollow space in your life.
That kind of love is beautiful, but the emptiness that follows is incredibly heavy, especially with everything else you’re carrying with your mom and your family.
Please be gentle with yourself. It’s okay that it feels strange and quiet right now. You’re not just losing a partner, you’re losing those daily rhythms like the morning texts and handholding.
Give yourself permission to feel that sadness. You don’t have to fix it today. Just know that you aren't alone in that emptiness.