I feel trapped
Hii, I've never wrote in the community for anything. Ya know. It's rather terrifying for me so I apologize if I don't know how it's done properly.
I wanted to say that I feel trapped, I am 23, in University. And I think some feelings of stress and anxiety is expected naturally but for me it's a storm. Every mistake is the end of the world, every exam is a giant.
And regardless of how I want myself to feel, I feel as if I don't deserve to live unless I do certain things. Unless I suceeed in whatever endeavor. And I don't even know what I want.
I don't know who I am. What I want. I know what I don't want. It is sillly to live life by things I don't want.
People sepposed to want things. But I. I don't want anything. I don't even feel hunger anymore. I lost a lot of weight and I am failikg to get it back.
I do things only cause I am sepposed to do them. So, I feel trapped. Not by the world but by myself. I am in a mental prison and the warden is me.
@BlackDragon66
First off, I'm super glad you had the bravery to share this really vulnerable post. It sounds like such a dark, confusing, and painful place to be in. And you talked about it in your post. There isn't a right or wrong way to share your feelings and what's on your mind.
Second, not everyone knows what they want to do and not everyone is naturally good at exams or pressured/structured environments like that. Let yourself have some space to explore what you want to do, who you are, and what you need. There's no need to rush and get everything all figured out and put together right now ✨
@BlackDragon66
It's a tough situation, but it happens to those who study at university, especially if they don't really want it. You're 23 now, and you still have time to find yourself, but you're busy with your studies, aren't you? Everything else is not that important. Once you're free, it will be easier for you and you'll be able to spend time on the right and necessary things. Even if it seems unrealistic to you, start now. Write down 100 hobbies, and cross out the ones that don't interest you at all. Think about the remaining few and imagine how you could do something about them. You don't have to be the best, you have to be yourself. Everyone has their own rhythm and that's also a normal thing. Hang in there, everything will be fine!
Problem is that those feelings. Are effecting my grades. I can barely focus, barely master up the will to get up in the morning, can barely sleep. Every exam brings a lot of anxiety and I need really high grades for vet school. Like absurdly high.
And it ends up feeling like an inescapable loop. I fail to focus out of depression, I end up failing something, I get depressed cause I fail.
