I hate being so stupid
I'm genuinely so stupid. I have no common sense, EVERYTHING takes me so long to complete, I'm unreliable at work because I make constant mistakes. I'm just so upset I can't even form words. I probably wouldn't be able to do that anyway because of my lack of intelligence.
I just wish I was different. I hate being so intellectually slow and always behind and putting in twice the effort in any task only to mess it up.
I make mistake after mistake after mistake at work. I'm never trusted to do anything because I always mess it up, no matter how simple the task is. My coworkers are baffled over how stupid I am. They ask me to do something, I do it, it's completely incorrect, and they're genuinely stunned over how someone could mess up so bad.
I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix my intelligence. I've tried all the tips and tricks like checklists, taking short breaks to refocus, reminders, alarms, sticky notes, the list goes on and on. I try these things and I still. I STILL mess it up.
I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm smart enough to be self aware, but not smart enough to do anything about it. I want better for myself and can't do anything about it. How can I even fix my intelligence when I'm an extremely slow learner, can't follow verbal or written directions, and dropped out of college 4 times because I couldn't grasp or learn any of the material. Studying was almost a complete waste of time because I would forget all the material and fail. I've never done well in school and, not exaggerating, I've never passed a test in my life. My entire life. Not a single test.
On top of being an absolute idiot, I'm so painfully awkward at work. All my coworkers hate me and avoid me and get so frustrated with me because of the way I am. Then I go home to an empty house and rot because I have no friends and I'm still single and unmarried and childless at 34. God I'm so awesome.
I want to be a different person so badly. I'm so fed up with being this stupid and awkward and everything else I hate about myself.
@thoughtfulSailboat9153
You are most certainly not stupid.
I'm sorry that the people around you and your work colleagues make you feel even worse.
Sometimes we struggle or our talents lie in different areas.
Not being married or not having children doesn't define you, or make you worthless at all 💜
You need to be kinder with how you talk to yourself 💙
I have the same negative thoughts going through my head a lot of times. I screw up a lot of at work and I'm sure my boss wishes that I could just do the job without having to ask him questions all the time. I think a lot of us spend way too much time demeaning ourselves and calling herself stupid when really we just have a different way of learning. Reading your post really made me want to reach out and just tell you that you are smart in your own way and please don't be so hard on yourself because you sound like a really good person and I don't want you to feel bad. There's a lot of people that feel the way you do, so just try to look on the bright side of life and maybe find a way of looking at things I don't revolve around your performance. You can just be you and that is more than enough.
It may sound silly but you expressed yourself beautifully in writing that post. You are good at something and that's writing & encaptivating a feeling. I know it probably took you a long time writing & re-writing that post but the care you took in expressing yourself shows in the time & care you gave to it. So what if people judge us for being the way we are. I'm also 34 & fail consistantly, i couldn't even spell my name until i was in my teens. Do not let them get you down. You are stronger then them, you've endured more and still push forward despite everything. You're a mighty one friend & do not forget it!