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thoughtfulSailboat9153
2 232 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts68 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes51 Current upvotes51 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 10, 2020
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How can you help your self esteem when you have no positives to build on?
Self-Esteem / by thoughtfulSailboat9153
Last post
 August 14th
...See more How can you even entertain the thought of building your self esteem when you can't do anything right? I've always struggled with everything. every little thing. I've always struggled in school, I dropped out of college 4 times because I wasn't smart enough to finish. I've failed every test I've ever taken. I am just genuinely stupid. It takes me forever to learn a new concept. Even when it seems like I'm starting to understand, I still have missing pieces of information that I just can't remember or I can't find in my notes. I've always been behind in everything. I've always been micromanaged and corrected because I make so many mistakes. I'm unreliable and a burden and nothing more really. They say to find something you're good at or something you like about yourself, but even with trying to soul search and taking my self hatred out of the equation, I still can't find anything. I truly can't think of a time where someone relied on me and wasn't disappointed in the end or something I've done correctly. I have no positives to build on and I'm too stupid to learn anything new.
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I'm so lost
General Support / by thoughtfulSailboat9153
Last post
 August 16th
...See more 2 months ago, I moved across the country to live with my boyfriend of 3 years. He understood I'd have to quit my job, so he'd financially support us, and I would stay home and take care of the household duties. He's encouraged me to take up hobbies or join a club or a gym in my free time and just wants to make me happy. We do have our problems, but he's very supportive and understanding. Even with him being all of those amazing things, I cannot get my *** together. I wake up, make his lunch, have some coffee and try to wake up. Some days, I'm still so sluggish and never fully wake up. I lay on the couch and scroll on my phone for hours until I panic about the time. Then I have to rush to get everything half assed ready only for him to be disappointed when he comes home and wonder why I haven't done anything. There isn't a reason. I don't work, so why can't I just stop being lazy? Why can't I make myself do anything? I'm so tired of letting mental illness control my life, but I just cannot seem to take the steps to make it better. I've been alone most of my life and now my mental illness is affecting someone else. I'm so exhausted of fighting my brain all the time. Like I'm the one putting myself in this prison. The key is within reach, but I just won't make myself hold out my arm and grab it. What the *** is wrong with me. Why am I so damn lazy. Why can't I just ever get it together. I'm so frustrated with myself and deserve to be alone forever.
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I hate being so stupid
Depression Support / by thoughtfulSailboat9153
Last post
 April 4th
...See more I'm genuinely so stupid. I have no common sense, EVERYTHING takes me so long to complete, I'm unreliable at work because I make constant mistakes. I'm just so upset I can't even form words. I probably wouldn't be able to do that anyway because of my lack of intelligence. I just wish I was different. I hate being so intellectually slow and always behind and putting in twice the effort in any task only to mess it up. I make mistake after mistake after mistake at work. I'm never trusted to do anything because I always mess it up, no matter how simple the task is. My coworkers are baffled over how stupid I am. They ask me to do something, I do it, it's completely incorrect, and they're genuinely stunned over how someone could mess up so bad. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix my intelligence. I've tried all the tips and tricks like checklists, taking short breaks to refocus, reminders, alarms, sticky notes, the list goes on and on. I try these things and I still. I STILL mess it up. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm smart enough to be self aware, but not smart enough to do anything about it. I want better for myself and can't do anything about it. How can I even fix my intelligence when I'm an extremely slow learner, can't follow verbal or written directions, and dropped out of college 4 times because I couldn't grasp or learn any of the material. Studying was almost a complete waste of time because I would forget all the material and fail. I've never done well in school and, not exaggerating, I've never passed a test in my life. My entire life. Not a single test. On top of being an absolute idiot, I'm so painfully awkward at work. All my coworkers hate me and avoid me and get so frustrated with me because of the way I am. Then I go home to an empty house and rot because I have no friends and I'm still single and unmarried and childless at 34. God I'm so awesome. I want to be a different person so badly. I'm so fed up with being this stupid and awkward and everything else I hate about myself.
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I have no friends because I'm so weird and awkward
Friendship Support / by thoughtfulSailboat9153
Last post
 April 17th
...See more Title says it all. Anytime someone tries to talk to me that I don't know, I completely freeze up and stutter and avoid eye contact. it's just a mess. You'd think I'd grow up at 34 and be a normal person but there are so many things wrong with me. Yeah, I'd like friends, but I think it's probably for the best that I'm left alone. I don't want to ruin anybody else's life.
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Move or Stay
Relationship Stress / by thoughtfulSailboat9153
Last post
 March 18th
...See more I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for a few years and we’ve talked about moving in together. It sounds great, but I just landed the best job I've ever had and it feels overwhelming to immediately quit, pack everything up, and move across the country. I do love him. He’s a great person and treats me really well. I just don’t know how I feel anymore, and I’m starting to worry that I’ve fallen out of love. I don't know if this is because of stress or why I'm starting to feel like this. He’s been my only serious relationship because I don’t really date or put myself out there. When I picture a future with him, it’s okay. Like an average cookie cutter life. We'd live in a nice house and have nice jobs which is a huge deal because I've never had stability before. People kill for that kind of life. But part of me worries I’d regret never giving myself the chance to explore, to meet other people, or build something on my own closer to home. I’m also scared I’d regret not choosing him too. At the same time, there’s no guarantee I’d find someone else. I don’t really expect to honestly because the fact that even one person chose me feels like a miracle. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm freaking out and can't think straight and I'm second guessing everything.
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ADHD has ruined my life
ADHD Support / by thoughtfulSailboat9153
Last post
 February 1st
...See more I'm a constant disappointment and can't ever do anything right. Idk what else to say
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