I have no grasp of myself or reality
i really feel like I have no idea who I am or what I feel. I call myself a Christian but I spend hours going on rageful fits on how much I hate God. Some days I’m convinced he’s a sadist or he has no actual idea of how to help humanity. I feel like he is doing a terrible job of governing the universe. And other days I love him and want to obey his word. My emotions range so much from complete depression to happiness to rage. Some days I don’t even know if I’m actually depressed. I feel so lost and confused all the time. I’m so lonely and no one around me even knows how terrible my mind state has become. I lie to everyone around me and act like a happy person but when I’m alone I can be so miserable. These constant fluctuations in my life have made me lose a grip on myself.
@dapperOcean34
I am sorry you feel so lost..... at some points in life we all have been lost and confused about how we truly feel about things and who we are. I feel this is normal.
The lies to pretend you are happy ... who is that for? their benefit or yours? why do you feel you cannot tell anyone you are struggling? Only when we speak up can someone truly help. If they falsely believe your OK and happy how can they help.
The feelings toward your faith do you have a person to talk about with? perhaps a person not wanting to tell you what to feel or believe but having general conversation so you can get perspective without influence.
when all else fails have you had a talk with yourself about what is going on. I found the one person i cannot lie to is myself and i will call out myself on BS
I guess there is no one I trust. I’m on a deployment assignment so I’m far from loved ones and my job requires a lot of building relationships with others. That’s why I feel the need to act happy and friendly all the time. I try to be honest with myself all the time. I just am not sure what I am feeling sometimes though. It’s hard to be honest when you’re not sure of yourself.
@dapperOcean34
Most people are unsure how they feel, some, most of the time. Some may not like how they feel and so disregard or pretend they do not have those feelings.
It is hard when in your situation to not smile and fit in. It makes sense to just get along and fake it.
You are IMO ahead of the game being able to distinguish the different feelings. Everyone is a work in progress so do not be hard on yourself that you have conflicting or unclear feelings
