I lost track of time
It's been 9 years since I've been feeling numb, depression has taken over me, now i don't even remember the cause, the feeling, the life I've had, the supposed happiness people around me said I've once had,
I don't feel alive, i don't feel like myself, i don't even know myself anymore, I'm tired, it's like
Being a blank canvas yet I'm self aware
I'm aware I'm depressed
I'm aware ive lost a lot of my memories because of that
I'm aware im stressed
I'm aware I've missed a lot of things
I'm aware i slowly push not only myself but people around me
I'm aware I'm watching myself losing.. Myself.
I'm aware it's severe
But being aware doesn't help
And i blink, it's already 9 years.
@wilthflower
I'm not sure if this is a poem or is this your thoughts..
You sound very depressed and your trying to find meaning in your life..
This post sounds like you are having great difficulties..
There is a saying "This too shall pass."
I dealt with a severe and depressing situation for 20 years.. as long as theirs hope there is a chance for having a blessed life..🌲
It's my thoughts..
Yeah.. "This too shall pass" Right, i really hope it will
It's tiring being aware and seeing myself in a 3rd person POV without being able to change the outcome
Maybe, just like you said ,there's still hope
..
What about you? How's everything with your depression, is it better after 20 years?
@wilthflower
My depression is ok. I could go off the meds for a couple years. I just stay on the meds because it's convenient.
I've tried using meds over and over but it messed up my memory , and I'm glad medication works for u
@wilthflower
How are you today?
I imagine it must be disheartening to look back at those 9 years.
You mentioned you don’t even remember how it started.
Are you able to say what keeps you down now?
Did you try exercising and going outside to get more sun exposure?
I'm not doing great today, still the same
I've tried all the method yet none can bring me any spark, yes.. It is hard, 9 years is quite long
No. I still don't know, I'm not even sure of the reason...
And just yesterday my anxiety and depression flaring up too much without particular reason my whole body is shaking, i kept stomping my foot uncontrollably while saying "no no no", and i don't even know what I'm Reffering " No" To, idk the reason, and my hand .. It's shaking for a straight 2 hours without stop,..
I know it's severe but again, being aware doesn't help me.
I tried going outside.. But i always feel outcasted.. It makes me feel more down than being inside.
I'm not doing great today, still the same
I've tried all the method yet none can bring me any spark, yes.. It is hard, 9 years is quite long
No. I still don't know, I'm not even sure of the reason...
And just yesterday my anxiety and depression flaring up too much without particular reason my whole body is shaking, i kept stomping my foot uncontrollably while saying "no no no", and i don't even know what I'm Reffering " No" To, idk the reason, and my hand .. It's shaking for a straight 2 hours without stop,..
I know it's severe but again, being aware doesn't help me.
I tried going outside.. But i always feel outcasted.. It makes me feel more down than being inside.
