I’m trying change and heal in hopes to be better but also get my girl back

hey first time using this. i was brought here because my ex suggested i should try and get help. while we were dating not in a malicious way. but for our relationship well she’s gone now i broke it off even while still loving her i know i wasn’t good for her. but i wanna try not only for myself but if in the future i have the chance to rekindle ill be ready. i don’t really know where to start i guess by how much i hurt her and how can i deal with letting go of certain boundaries that she sees a problem with. well in our talking stage i didn’t take it so serious because well dumb me i was hurt from past relationship and i flirted with other girls and she found out. going thru my phone she begged cried and asked why but i was frozen not knowing wha to say or even how to say the truth she want it. i don’t think she ever moved on past those things she also found more from our talking stage in christmas that just past. she said she can’t ever remember our first christmas as a good memory but only pain. i understand i put her thru so much i changed since then got her trust but still wasn’t enough. she was in her first year of college making new friends and hanging out with them and so on. my problem was guy friends i can’t trust it because of past experiences where i been hurt by my ex doing stuff with her guy friend. obviously she’s not her she’s a different girl but i can’t ever trust 1 on 1 or just guys with her. she never want it to see it my way but she still tried and well she never did it just so i could feel better and also distance herself from any guy friend she had. but now that im gone she says she does love me and that she also misses me but she likes not having to walk on eggshells or actually enjoying hanging with her guy friends without me being upset about it. which is fair but all i want is to heal certain parts of me i’m lost even after taking this decision 1 week ago it’s still very fresh ofc. she also said that we don’t know what may happen from here to 5 months. and that if i don’t change she won’t wait anymore because she waited a year and even took me back after i left for my ex girl before her. she said she forgave me because her love was stronger. she also said that if she from any months from now is touch by someone else that if i want it to fix it i’ll have to overcome that because i was the one that let her go. which hurts to hear. she said she just doesn’t wanna promise something and then i stay waiting and she never comes back. i don’t know what to do i wanna change so i can be with her but she said that i must wanna change also for myself. there’s a lot of things i don’t get about our whole situation but i already lived it before with the girl before her and i don’t think i can sit here trying heal while she out there enjoying herself or letting someone else in like she let me. i wish i could break this down in a much better way but see im not good at these things i just hope someone out there can listen or talk to me. everyday my days repeat and i feel like i landed in that whole i once tried to get out of.