I promise I won’t tell anyone or do anything about it.

@faithfulCoconut848

 I wouldn't worry about telling anyone. Most of us are so absorbed with our own opinions that we don't pay much attention to what anyone else says about it.

Might it help to realize that just about everyone believes that everyone else is part of something that they are not? Ironically, those who struggle most to fit in, are the ones who feel most left out.

When I was a kid, I often observed a tiny core of "cool kids," usually fewer than five. They would be surrounded by 20 or more kids who wanted to get close to them in hopes of being perceived as "cool by association." Often, those kids would be surrounded by others who were seeking a social upgrade by proximity.

Then there was me, a bullied misfit and outcast. I didn't worry about joining any group because I thought it was hopeless. However, being in that social position provided abundant opportunity to observe social dynamics.

In a way, it felt like watching an ant farm in which the majority of the ants were following a blind and aimless leader. Unlike real ants that cooperate, these social ants were competitive, sometimes interfering with each other, climbing overtop each other or in some way engaging with the ants at the front of the line in a way that impeded their progress.

I found it noteworthy that the more aloof or stuck up someone in the core group was, the more fervently they were pursued by others.

The secret of the secret society is that there is no secret. Not only that, but behavior that works for one person, may not work for another, when it comes to fitting in. There is a great deal of psychology, body language, appearance, and sometimes genuine attributes that merit interest involved.

It's unfortunate, but we often make assumptions about each other within the first few seconds of meeting. Because of that, we often miss out on some of the best friendships.

I went from being a fat, dumpy, painfully shy and paranoid outcast to being drafted into the inner circle of the cool kids. I was never convinced that I belonged in that group. Maybe they didn't think I belonged either. Maybe they just thought I was fun to have around. One thing I'm pretty sure of is that they mistook my painful shyness for quiet confidence.

I think the mysteries and magics can be learned. The next question to ask is whether or not it's worth it. If the learning is pursuant to popularity, it's probably not. There is a great deal of shallowness and vanity among the cool kids, so winning their approval may not be much of a prize. That doesn't mean that there aren't some really nice people among the cool kids, but they form decent relationships at a time when they are not preoccupied with being cool.

I gained a grasp of the mysteries and magics through observation and listening. I think I evolved from being painfully shy to being just extremely introverted. There is a difference. I am more able to cope with being around others, but alone time is oxygen to me.

I wish you good humor as you unveil the mysteries and magics.

@faithfulCoconut848 Actually, interaction with others needs a lot of skill and wisdom. In my experience, you have to be ready to walk away. It's not because you're not good, nor are they. 

Would you share what makes you think you miss something?

I see your other post where you share your effort to improve your looks. Looks can improve your coolness but in my opinion they don’t guarantee deep connections.

It seems to be more about accepting yourself more to be able start sharing yourself with others even in small ways.

You say you go to the gym. Are there people who you keep seeing? What if you tried switching focus to notice something about them that you care about? Someone did something nice to someone else. Someone smiled at the person in reception. Someone has a shirt with the picture you like for some reason. Just notice. What if one day you felt ready, and told them? Could it make a day better for both of you even if it was the only conversation the two of you ever had? You don’t need your bold spot to be gone to try it.