I think I'm getting worse
Idk how this could be possible but I think I'm getting worse. My depression is getting really bad. Nothings working, nothing helps, nothing makes me happy. I haven't felt like myself lately. More so these past few days. Im losing myself. I feel like a burden for posting about this, but idk what else to do. I'm so lost and alone and scared... So so scared. Im terrified bc I can't remember things, and my memory keeps getting worse. I don't want to have to ask for help irl but if things don't change idk if I'll have much a choice. I can't keep doing this.
@IzzyGamer
You are not a burden.
Not for one second.
This is overwhelming right now 💛
You are not alone 💛
@Amanda84
Thanks 🫂
I feel the same
@lollipop331
Im sorry you feel the same. I know it's not easy to manage sometimes. I hope things will get better for you. Just know your not alone.
@lollipop331
@IzzyGamer you are important 🌸
Thank you for your sharing. You are worth not being alone and it’s good you let yourself to reach out here.
Do feel like sharing what kind of heavy thoughts you are dealing with?
@pinkCherry1616
There's a lot I cant share here, but I'm just struggling with a lot of different things at once. flashbacks and family issues being some of the major things... also my memory, it scares me so so much that I cant remember things. idek why but I hate myself for it.
@IzzyGamer hating yourself is very difficult state. You deserve better. I know that me stating it once doesn’t change what it does. Still, it has to start somewhere.
Are the flashbacks a painful memories surfacing back or something else?
@pinkCherry1616
It's flashbacks from a trauma thing that happened a couple years ago.
@IzzyGamer I am not a trauma specialist but could it be that your brain is trying hard to not remember that? And your forgetting other things is a side effect? If it was the case, then your not remembering would be a result of your body trying its best to protect you in its own way. Maybe, it would not need to be hated for it? Maybe it needs help not being afraid this much? What do you think?
@pinkCherry1616
I've never really thought of it that way before.. I guess that makes sense in a way. but what doesn't make sense is that I haven't had memory problems for as long as I've been having flashbacks. the issues with my memory are more recent, like within the last 3-4 months recent.
@IzyGamer did you had a chance to talk with a doctor about it?
Do you think that something changed 4-5 months ago to cause you more stress or painful thoughts?
@pinkCherry1616
no, I haven't told anyone irl about it.
I don't think anything really changed. I think maybe I just started dissociating a lot more often and that's when it kinda started.
@IzzyGamer
Are you ok to share more what the dissociating looks like for you? Any idea why it increased then?
Do those questions feel not to dry? They sound a little when I read them…
@pinkCherry1616
idk how to describe it it feels like my mind and body are two separate things. Like I'm watching myself from behind a screen. nothing around me will feel real. I'll feel like really out of it, like I'm here and not here at the same time. idk if that makes sense but I'm not really sure how to explain it.
I'm not sure why it got worse, I think maybe it was because I just had a lot going on and it felt like more and more problems were being created and just everything felt to big and heavy to deal with.
@IzyGamer
I imagine how confusing it is.
Can you say what kind of thoughts you have when you watch yourself from a perspective like that?
Are your problems still as overwhelming now?
@pinkCherry1616
I guess its just that I think to myself how nothing feels real how it feels like everything is just so far away. Like trying to run towards it but never getting any closer. how I feel trapped and alone.
it depends I guess. some days it all feels incredibly overwhelming while other days it doesn't.
@IzzyGamer
Please don’t ever feel like you’re a burden for posting this. ❤️ I’m actually really glad you reached out, because it sounds like you’ve been carrying so much on your own and you shouldn’t have to sit with all of this alone. What you’re describing sounds incredibly scary and exhausting, especially when you feel like you’re losing yourself and nothing seems to be helping anymore.
I can hear how frightened you are, especially with your memory getting worse and feeling like things are slipping out of your control. You don’t have to figure everything out tonight, though. You only need to get through one moment at a time. Sometimes when depression gets really heavy, it can make it feel like nothing will ever change, even when that isn’t necessarily true.
And if things continue feeling this bad, please don’t be afraid to ask for help IRL. I know that might feel really uncomfortable or scary, but needing help doesn’t make you weak or a burden. You deserve someone beside you who can support you through this. 💗
For now, please be extra gentle with yourself. You don’t have to force yourself to be happy or “fix” everything. Just take care of yourself in the smallest ways you can. Eat something if you can, drink some water, get somewhere comfortable and safe, and take things minute by minute.
You matter, and I’m really glad you’re still reaching out. 🫂 You don’t have to go through this completely alone. ❤️
