It's OK to be sad

For those who need to hear it ---
It's OK to be sad.

It's OK to cry.

It's OK to not feel OK.

It's OK to feel those negative thoughts.

This morning, I had a LOT of dumb negative thoughts.
I was tied up into thinking (untrue) things.

I get cranky if I'm not feeling well due to the chronic pain.
I get anxious sometimes if I don't hear from my partner after a certain amount of time.
I worry about my son often after I drop him off at daycare, as he doesn't like school but he loves speech therapy (there's no speech therapy today, it's 4x a week, except for today, which I'm worried he'll be upset).

I get sad thinking that I can't support my family (son & partner) well enough, nor be able to provide them with the life I think they deserve (aka, a life with no worries or hardships like I had to endure).

But...

I think it's OK to be sad because...
Then I know I'm alive.

Before when I was childfree and single...
I struggled with finding a purpose in life.
I didn't care if my existence was deleted from this life.
I didn't care that I chugged alcohol after every paycheck and did the same grind everyday.

I felt numb. 

I was merely a zombie or a drone that went through the motions without a single purpose or meaning in life.

But...After awhile I got fed up with living that way.
I thought, if I'm here anyways, maybe I should change it?
If I don't like the change, then oh well, I'll try something else...
And if it REALLY didn't work out...I was going to join the military and offer my life that way (because I don't really...want to unalive myself, it's stressful...hard to explain.)

I ended up moving to this new state/city and been here for 5+ years but...
I'm ready to move on and start a new life with my new family who loves me.

I'm glad I can feel sadness. I'm glad I can feel emotions now.
Even if I'm still depressed and I get triggered by my PTSD...Oh well.
I'll figure something out, but for now...

I guess I'll ride the wave and see what happens.
Couldn't be worse than what I endured in the past (ex. constant abuse, almost became unalive from an ex-fiancé, homelessness, starvation, job losses, car accident, many other near..."unalive" experiences from circumstances, etc etc)

Anyways...

I hope everyone is doing OK.

I don't know all of you, but I sincerely hope you're OK.
I know what it's like to not be OK, and I wish you are OK. 
I don't want anyone to endure the pain I went through, because I know how it feels.
I wish I could give those of you who feel sad, in pain, or lonely a big hug.
I hope that you are able to gain or achieve whatever you wish in life.

Please take care.