I’ve been silently battling schizophrenia, panic attacks, Social Anxiety and Major Depression Disorder since I was 18 and I’m so tired
Disclaimer:English is my second language. I used AI to help me write this so I could express myself clearly
Since 2019, when I was just 18, I’ve been dealing with schizophrenia, major depressive disorder (MDD), panic attacks, and social anxiety. It’s been six painful years and I’ve faced most of it completely alone.
I started treatment in 2022 and have been on medication since then, but honestly, nothing truly works. The pills might dull some things, but the suffering stays. I see faces that aren’t real. I hear voices no one else can hear. The fear, the confusion, the sadness it never goes away.
What hurts most is that no one around me knows. I’ve tried to open up before, but people mocked me. They treated me like I was dangerous or insane like I was some kind of lunatic. After that, I just shut down. I kept everything buried inside.
Over time, I developed this deep fear of people. I don’t even know how to explain it anymore. I’m afraid of humans and at the same time, I hate them. Not out of anger, but from how I’ve been treated again and again. It’s made me isolate myself even more.
Now, I’m exhausted. Some days, it feels like there’s only one way out and that thought scares me more than anything.
If you’re reading this, thank you for listening
@Ali196
Hey Ali 😇
I am sorry to hear that you go through all that 🙏 I hear your words, and I feel your deep pain.I understand when ppl around you don't understand or see how tired and miserable you are .
Six years of suffering, loneliness, and agony I can't imagine how heavy that burden must be. To see and hear things others can't, and to live in a world of fear and despair, is beyond description.I understand your fear and hatred of people. It's not anger, but a result of the pain they caused when they mocked and rejected you. It's not your fault they didn't understand what you're going through. They don't know what it's like to live with these challenges every day.
Your feeling of exhaustion is completely natural after all these years of fighting and enduring. The thought of there being only one way out frightens you, and that fear is a part of your humanity. It's an inner voice telling you that you want to keep going, even if the pain is unbearable.
Thank you for trusting us enough to listen. Sharing your story is not easy, and it's a very courageous step 🌷
I hope with all my heart that you find peace and serenity one day and that this pain you're experiencing will fade. I pray that you find someone who understands and accepts you, and that you find a place where you feel safe and welcome. I pray that the sun of hope shines in your life again insha'Allah 🌷🌷🙏
