I want to choose myself this time.

I feel so undeserving of love. I met a single mom (she was raped when she was 19) I met her on a dating app. We clicked right away, long story short. She was jobless when I met her and been having financial difficulties. I helped her get a job from a client I was working with for more than 2 years. I’m freelancer by the way. she didn’t have any job when I met her because she said she had to resign from her job because the doctor advised her to rest due to overfatigue. She used to work 6 and a half days a week for more than 10 hours with half a day off. I gave her two jobs since I work with multiple clients then. And given that I know she had missed a lot of things being the breadwinner of her family (parents are both 60plus years old) she told me she had to work while studying and with the bad thing that happened to her (she was r aped and got pregnant) she had to start working fulltime to fully support her parents and baby. I bought her stuff before she even asks me to buy it for her. I indulged her in every way possible. Then found out that she has multiple *** account. This is one of the many lies she told me. We would start to argue after that because I have this gut feeling that she’s hiding a lot of things from me. I’m also at fault here by the way because I have this habit of saying hurtful things when I’m angry. We would always reconcile. Until the major heartbreak, I caught her cheating with me. With another girl. I think I forgot to mention that I’m a transman. I was so devastated back then because she is the last person I’m expecting to do that sort of stuff. Even though I was greatly hurt then, I still reconciled with her. But it didn’t go well because of the trauma. I get flashbacks of how she described me to the girl as I saw their conversation via *** messenger when I caught her. So we would still argue because of that. Then come another bump in our relationship when her mother got sick. Even though we are not okay I decided to stay with her during that time because I know she won’t able to face that alone as she doesn’t have any money. Yeah, it was always me who would pay for everything when we’re dating while she would do whatever she likes with her own money. And that was okay for me because I earn more money than her. While her mom was sick in the hospital and we are at home about to go to sleep I saw her phone lit up and she got message from the girl asking her how she is etc. So suddenly I had this huge anxiety attack and got traumatized again. she told me she would not choose anyone between me and the girl and that she only wants her mom to be okay. she told me i know that you need help but I can’t help you. so feeling super rejected and down i decided to leave and go back home. she would still ask me for money though for hospital needs or whatnot. then her mom passed away. i decided to once again be there for her. she was like she’ll make sure to make it up to me once everything is settled. she got sick after that and it was me who took care of her even though chances of me getting sick was high (she got tuberculosis) i didn’t mind. i was confident I’m healthy enough to take care of her. fast forward to a couple of months after her mom died, i caught her lying to me again. she took money from my own bank (which I was saving to pay for the loans we had to get when her mom was sick until her mom was laid to rest) she denied doing that but i got evidence. she eventually told me she would tell me and pay for it when she gets her salary. but i got so mad because i still have an existing trust issues with her cheating on me when she decided to break my trust again. this time with money. then the stupid me forgave her again because i love her, but i know we already have so many issues. i have so many issues with her. the reason why I’m here now and writing this is because I finally decided to totally cut ties with her and I already took the jobs I gave her. That way we won’t need to communicate anymore. Aside from that she told me that because of the frequent fights her dad no longer wants her to get involved with me. But she would always text me she still loves me and can’t stand the thought of me being happy with someone else. she texted me earlier saying that this will be very hard as she needs money to provide for her family and her needs. i want to stand my ground this time because she hasn’t been doing her job well when i already gave her too many chances. i wanted to be strong and choose myself this time. sorry if this seems long and not very w ell written, english is not my first languange and there’s still so much I’d like to share but i guess the majority of the burden i carry is already here. i just needed this out. 😭💔