I want to rest, but to rest I have to live, and living hurts.

I'm trying.

I really am trying, but sometimes I even feel like I hate myself.

I see myself as so small that I feel insignificant, incapable of anything.

And almost every day I feel tired and drained because of that, because I'm exhausted, and that prevents me from moving forward.

But at the same time, I can't find a way to overcome it, I can't find any "support" that truly helps me.

I try to distract myself by thinking about other things or even playing games, sometimes even writing.

But what I feel overwhelms me, and I start thinking about it while I'm doing those things. I don't feel like I can be at peace at any point.

And just a little while ago, I started thinking about it again.

About "hurting myself."

I haven't tried it, I didn't try it, and I don't want to try it.

Because deep down, I know that's not what I want.

But I just feel like it was good to say it.

Keeping that feeling inside makes me feel worse, and the mere act of writing it down makes me feel freer.

But I sincerely hope that soon everything will be over. I want it to get better for me, so I can feel "alive" again, even with the things that seem smallest or most insignificant.