I want to stop being judged
Hi everyone,
I’m 38 years old, a mother of four children — and I’m currently expecting my fifth. I don’t have a job; I stay at home and live only on a small income from renting out part of my apartment. But honestly, it’s not enough to support four kids — and soon, a baby.
I’m sharing this because I feel judged. People look at me and think, “Why have another baby when you’re already struggling?” Believe me, I didn’t plan this pregnancy. It just happened. And I’m really tired of hearing things like, “You should have protected yourself,” or “You didn’t think about this or that.”
Right now, I’m four months pregnant. I just need someone who can listen — someone kind, who won’t judge me, who can offer a bit of support or encouragement. Because honestly, it’s hard. This will be my fourth C-section, and I’m scared. I really hope everything goes well, but the risks worry me.
To make things even harder, my partner didn’t take the news well. When I told him about the pregnancy, he denied being the father and said hurtful things. He told me he regretted ever meeting me. I don’t even know if he’ll come back. Many people would probably tell me to leave him — but I can’t support the children alone. I’m trying to stay strong for them, but some days it feels impossible.
And right now… I just feel like crying. I feel worthless, like I don’t matter to society anymore. I can’t work — even though I wish I could — because I have no one to take care of my children. I’m completely alone. My parents are both gone. I don’t have anyone close from my family. Some relatives live abroad, but we’ve never had a good relationship. Even on my father’s side, it’s distant — half-brothers, half-sisters, no real bond.
So, it’s just me. And some days, I’m just so tired. I sit on a chair and do nothing because everything costs money — even to go out or join an activity. I have no money. I find myself asking, “God, why me?” I know I’ve made mistakes, but I just wish — even for a moment — to feel a bit of happiness.
I feel exhausted. I feel rejected, even by my own family. Since I lost my mother — the only person who truly cared for me — everything has felt empty. There’s no real help where I live. I feel lost, overwhelmed, and sometimes even ridiculous for still hoping things will get better.
But I’m still trying to hold on… for my kids.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this. I just needed to let it out.
@keiraa1987
You are doing the best you can and looking after your children.
No one else walks in your shoes or lives your life so it's not their place to judge.
You are a good mother, focus on that and on having a healthy pregnancy.
I'm sorry your partner is treating you this way, he needs to step up and start being more supportive 💖💜
Hi, Keira!
I want you to know that you are incredibly strong, and you are even stronger for not backing out of this. I can tell from your words that you care so deeply about your children, and you are taking risks, aching, but holding on just to support and care for them. When they're old enough to realize the sacrifices you made for them, I promise you they'll thank you in every way possible. I know I would!
I understand your suffering, and I am here if you need someone to talk to– I will listen no matter what. You are never alone, not even in the darkest of times.
If I could do more than just give advice and listen, I'd help you watch your kids, I'd help you find a job, I'd do anything I could. And in saying that, someone else that can, will.
I would try to post on social media, asking for help and explaining your story. You could set up cash app, go-fund-me, stuff like that. Someone with a kind heart will hear you and help you. And if people are rude, let them be rude. They don't see all you are doing and going through– they have no right to judge you.
You are much more than how you feel right now. You are resilient, brave, caring, and capable. You are worth so much more than people lead you to believe.
I wish you luck on your pregnancy and C-section. You'll make it through, I believe in you.
Today, I have a smile on my face, but there’s a pain in my heart. I’m hurting. I don’t know if it’s my heart that’s suffering, or if it’s my whole being that’s breaking. I’ve been deeply wounded, and I don’t know how to recover from it. I truly believed that the people who mattered most to me — or to whom I mattered the most — genuinely loved me and valued me. But I’m realizing that the moment there is a challenge or a difficult situation, these people show a different side.
I would give this advice: there are things you shouldn’t say, things you need to learn how to say, and some words, when spoken, can cut deeply. They can be very hard to forgive. I’m carrying a pain inside me that I don’t know how to express or release. I’m carrying life within me, but another part of me feels like it’s dying every day — because I’m hurting, because I’m suffering. I feel betrayed, rejected, humiliated, diminished. And I don’t know how to live with that day after day.
I’m grateful for the people who are encouraging me through their messages, but every day is still hard. Very hard. I should be happy about welcoming a new baby, but the pain in my heart is overwhelming. It hurts so much to have been rejected. It hurts even more that when I went to spend time with someone, that person told me the baby might not even be his — after I told him about the pregnancy. I asked for a DNA test, but he didn’t answer. And it breaks me, because I’m risking my life bringing a child into this world. I’m not playing or taking this lightly. I don’t even know anymore how to deal with everything.
Words can be devastating. His words were extremely hurtful and they keep destroying me day by day. Every morning, I wake up hoping he will message me. But he doesn’t. Every morning, I hope he will change, come back, and take care of me and the kids. But he doesn’t. And yet, I still love him. Even though his words hurt me, I still have love for him, and I’m tired of loving someone who hurts me. I wish this love could just disappear suddenly. I don’t know what to do. I feel vulnerable, like a little girl who needs to be comforted. I don’t know how to handle all this. I wish my mother were here. I wish she could hold me in her arms.
Yesterday, I had a dream. I heard a song — a song I didn’t even know. I only heard one line: “I don't know much, but I know that I love you.” I searched it on YouTube and found out the singer was Linda Ronstadt. And then I realized… Linda is also my mother’s name. I took it as a sign that she’s still watching over me, trying to comfort me.
But it’s still so hard. So, so hard.
I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard everything is for you, but I have stood by this quote, "Things have to get worse before they can get better." Something that never worsened can never improve, and your situation will improve– through many hardships and let-downs, but it will improve.
That man may be the father of your child, but he is not the dad. A loving dad would've stayed and cared for both his baby, kids, and the mother, even if he didn't exactly want another child. He is not taking responsibility or the role of being a father.
I know how it feels to love someone that's bad for me. And how I overcame those feelings were by asking myself, "Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?" "Is this the man that you are proud and happy to be with?" "Does this man's positive words outweigh his negatives?" So ask yourself these questions and reflect for a moment.
Do you really want a man that turned his back on you, AND your/his kids? It's extremely hard to "just forget him and move on," but you do not have to forget. Remember the pain he put you through, remember the words he said to you, and use that to rise up. All that pain and suffering he put you through, grow from it. He is showing you the type of person you don't want to be. You don't want to be a person that walks away from their responsibilities and family when they need you the most. He is not worth it. And he definitely does not deserve you in his life.
You will look back at this moment in the future, and you'll be proud that you made it through. You'll be happier when you're no longer being brought down by the hurtful, cruel words of others, but being brought up by the positive words that actually matter, especially yours. You'll be proud that you overcome such a devastating situation, and that's all the reason to keep going.
That dream you had, that is definitely a sign. Your mother is watching, and she hears and sees you. She is reaching out to you. She is saying she loves you, and she doesn't want you to give up.
You will make it through this, I have faith in you– all of us do. Please never think for a second that you are unappreciated, uncared for, or unvalued. We care, we hear you, we are with you. ❤️
Can I ask your opinion on something
@keiraa1987 you got this.
