I will never be enough

I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. Your brain is deep into those evil voices that cannot see anything good. Your brain is sending chemicals that lead you to thoughts that are entirely wrong.

You are valuable and you are needed right here, right now. I know that you can't see it and you just want to know for certain something that you cannot: the future. It can be much brighter than your damaged brain is allowing you to imagine right now.

How can I know any of this? Because our value isn't in being popular or well-known. It isn't in having lots of dates or friends or perfect jobs or careers. It is in being kind to other people. That person that you opened the door for. That person that you emptied the trash can for. That person you gave a hug. That person who you helped with a homework problem. We all do things like this every day without realizing how much those little things matter. They are where you find your meaning and value. They are where you are always enough. 

Fighting back against those wrong voices is really, really hard. I know. I have been there. You will need support. Who are you talking to? @Taintedrose112

I can feel how you feel right now. I dont know who you are but i can say i love you. When you heal from all of this, you will be stronger against this life. Once you accept all of this and find the will to take action, you will see that there is light at the end. We are here for you and we are ready to listen you no matter who you are.

I wrote a poem I would like yall to read.

Too Fast

I Started out small, 

As all Humans do;

With dreams like mountains,

In hopes they’d come true.

To soar like a bird,

To glide like a fish;

Everything I wanted,

Started with just one wish.

My friends and family,

Cheering me on;

Creating new memories,

And making new bonds.

Laughing together,

And talking heart-to-heart;

For fear one wrong move,

Would tear me apart.

Wanting to grow up,

Or be just like dad;

Forgetting to slow down,

Remembering the sad.

Thinking too old,

Not wanting to stay young;

Giving in to peer pressure,

With hurtful words that stung.

Friends that backstab me,

That tear me every which way;

I put my head down,

In fear of what my parents would say.

Believing that the world,

Is just there to destroy me;

Making bad choices,

If only they could see.

Wishing that life was over,

Pretending no one could tell;

Distancing myself from others,

All I could do was yell.

Hiding my feelings,

From everyone who could help;

No one can hurt me,

If they don’t hear my yelp.

Faking a smile,

That was only just a mask;

No one cared to stop,

All they had to do was ask.

Knowing I could do better,

After staying up till three;

Not wanting any help,

Just people to let me be.

Having dreams of my past,

Of my “perfect” childhood;

Remembering how valuable,

If only I was still good.

My mother had once said,

“Don’t take life for granted”;

And “try to stay young”,

But those words have now become slanted.

Twisted words,

With a broken heart;

If only I knew,

How to go back to the start.

Broken friendships,

I knew wouldn’t last;

Crippling pain,

As I remember the past.

Blasting depressing music,

Straight into my ears;

Saying to myself and the world,

I would only be here for one more year.

I say that life is useless,

That I have no hope;

My friends try to listen,

Try to help me cope.

I distance myself,

From all my friends and family;

It’s up to me now,

I just want to be free.

I freeze,

With a brief moment of relief;

Stop to look at myself,

Because I’ve turned over a new leaf.

With a slight,

Moment of realization;

I am filled with hope,

And a bit of elation.

Break down in tears,

At the thought;

Of friends and family,

Having an empty spot.

The beautiful life,

I almost threw away;

I sit there speechless,

With no idea of what to say.

One wrong move,

Is all it would take;

One bad decision,

Sounded like a piece of cake.

I think back,

To what I could have been;

To climb high mountains,

Or put paper to pen.

A wave of emotions,

Now swallows me whole;

A hurricane of sadness,

The life I almost stole.

I turn to friends and family,

For help and support;

They comfort and guide me,

My life they help sort.

As I look back

To my childhood;

I wonder where I want wrong,

And what I did good.

And now I rely

That life’s just a mess;

With heartache and pain,

And no limit on stress.

Life’s also short,

Flies by fast;

But the best thing I can do,

Is try to make it last.

If everybody thinks,

Life is a race;

I will now gladly be last,

With the biggest smile on my face.

I still have dreams,

As tall as mountains;

Some even silly,

Like splashing in fountains.

I still want to soar,

Just like a bird;

Go to a good school,

and learn a new word.

Maybe even glide through water,

Like the most beautiful fish,

Everything I want,

Still starts with just one wish.

There is only one thing I would change,

As I look back on the past;

If only I hadn't wanted

To grow up too fast.