Marriage issues
Time to spill this out of my chest.
Never in my life have I been called a *** by someone who claims to love me. What kind of man says "I love you" and then the next minute calls you a *** and stupid? What’s even more shocking is that he had the audacity to say I don’t love the child I birthed. I’m still in shock, but I’m keeping my cool because the words we exchanged are not what loving married couples should say to each other.
What concerns me most is that I can't address an issue without him getting defensive or angry. This leaves me questioning why he's getting angry instead of talking things out, especially since he's been caught exchanging sensitive information with his ex girlfriend. I'm staying quiet for now because I’m not one to make drastic decisions on the spot. I observe, evaluate, and then decide when the time is
@straightforwardThinker4420
Often in my experience the defensive and angry on the part of my partner is when he know he is guilty of whatever we are discussing and wants to deflect blame and accuse me of something to try to make me think it was my fault somehow.
I used to be bothered by it........ but when i ignore it and make plans without him even small ones ........he realized his does not work.
I sguess it’s time I just ignore him and stop exchanging words with him because most of the time I find myself repeating myself, it feels like I’m talking to a wall, and when he responds it’s always him pointing fingers at me. I’m done talking🤞🏽
@straightforwardThinker4420
It has been a better way to limit talking that escalates
this is when the "I Feel" type statements work best. When me spouse was more blaming and deflecting I would acknowledge that i understand that is how " he feels". I would also state my side in " I feel you have a issue with trying to deflect and refuse any responsibility in our issues."
It does deflate them as they cannot argue blame or accusations because you did not accuse them you said "I FEEL" ..... when my spouse tried to continue he found it was worthless to tell ME how I FEEL so he had to settle down and we were able to discuss without being a blame game...... some of what was in I FEEL statement i still blame him but the words seem to defuse the situation.
I guess it's time to just ignore him and stop engaging. I often find myself repeating the same concerns, like feeling he pays more attention to his phone or values his friends more than family. It feels like I'm talking to a wall, and he always turns it into an argument, making it seem like I'm stirring things up. I feel like he lacks communication skills, and I'm tired of repeating myself. Even when he apologizes, his behavior doesn't change. Most of our fights stem from him focusing more on his phone. And whenever I address these issues, I often is “I feel like” because honestly that’s how I feel.
for a religious man o expected him to have more understanding about certain issues.
@straightforwardThinker4420
I wish you the best in this
trying to get someone out of a phone addiction is hard but if you and kids do other things without him and ignore his behavior perhaps when he looks up from phone and sees he was left behind he will get the message loud and clear.
At this point (I read the thread too), I have to wonder if your husband is worth any time or effort on your part. Or if he's worth staying with.
Remember: in a divorce the woman typically gets 50%+ of all the assets...just some food for thought.
