My Thoughts Lately

My Thoughts Lately

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about everything — my cat, my family, my beliefs, and even myself.

I’ve noticed that my cat seems a bit depressed these days. She doesn’t play much anymore. If I take out her toys, she might play for a while but quickly loses interest. Sometimes she eats well and does everything normally, but there’s something in her eyes that feels sad. I think part of it might be because of me — maybe she senses my emotions. I’ve been through a lot myself, feeling low because of how dysfunctional things sometimes are at home. Cats can sense tension, and I think she feels it too.

My guardian sometimes treats her like a plaything, but my sister and I treat her like our little baby. That’s why she’s so close to us. But my grandma doesn’t like that. She says we shouldn’t be spending so much time with the cat because we’re “too grown up” for it. I’m 15 and my sister is 10 — not adults yet, but she says we act like children. She even said things like, “If you want to care for something that much, then get married and have children,” which really hurt. She even threatened to complain to my guardian because she saw me giving milk to the cat once. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, just giving her milk carefully.

I know my grandma’s words aren’t fair, but sometimes it’s easier to stay quiet. The arguments always make me feel worse, and my cat gets scared too. So I try to take care of her quietly — giving her safe places, feeding her gently, and making sure she still feels loved.

Lately, I’ve also been thinking a lot about life and death — and sometimes even trying to predict things like when I might die. I read about Japanese superstitions, like sanpaku eyes — where the whites of your eyes show below or above the iris. Some say it’s a sign of dying young, and it feels strange because many famous people who had those eyes did die young. I know logically that it’s superstition, but part of me still believes it, and another part doesn’t. I can’t really explain why, but I feel drawn to those beliefs — maybe because they connect to Japanese and Chinese culture, mythology, and deeper meanings about fate and emotion. I want to learn more about those things someday, not just as superstition but as culture — as something that explains how people think and feel about life and death.

My guardian has been very worried about me lately. He tells me to quit my phone and focus more on schoolwork and my upcoming exams. I know he just wants me to succeed in my Class 10 SAE exams, but sometimes it feels like pressure. I do scroll and watch things on my phone, that’s true, but it’s often because I feel tired or need an escape. Still, I understand his concern.

Another thing I’ve realized is that I attach very quickly to people who listen and care. Like the members of 7 Cups — I treat them like my own friends. Whenever someone shows me kindness, even just through words, I trust them almost instantly. I know it can be an issue because I end up getting too emotionally attached, and when people leave or can’t stay, it hurts a lot. I’ve tried to balance it, but it’s not easy. I think that’s something I should talk about if I ever get to go to therapy — my habit of attaching deeply, my fears, and my emotions that I can’t always control.

Sometimes I feel scared of the future, like that quiet fear hiding deep inside me. I don’t always want to show it, but it’s there. And other times, I feel calm and accepting — like if I die young, then I die young. I don’t feel fear, just a kind of quiet understanding. Still, a part of me hopes to live longer, to see more, and to learn more — about people, about myself,

and about life.