Not coping well
Just here to vent, I guess. So much is going through my mind right now that I can't process anything. Nothing has been helping. I wish I could just sleep peacefully but have been crying at night for a few days now...
There are days when you wish to end the pain before it ends you and then there are days when you can't think of anything.
But the people who don't give up easily have it really rough.
Don't even know what I'm typing. There's some level of dizziness when you cry too much, I guess.
I wish to heal soon because I can't try harder. Too tired to keep going. Pushing myself too hard but getting drained...
I wonder if I'm not here someday and people find this. Wish they don't:3
I feel stupid sometimes. For just existing and me being myself.
Also, wondering why there's a limit to find listeners. Most of them anyways refuse to talk. Sounds unfair
This looks so unhinged. Sorry about that😅
This too shall pass .. let's hope.
Wish I had a recipe to not feel this bad
And to find the courage to text/call my therapists instead of venting out here
Can I have another birth/teenage?
I want to cut out the part where people hurt me and I became this person. I don't want to see them in me
Wish someone could take my pain away. That should be me but I don't know how to do it...some days you just wonder if you even know how to live. If you have survival instincts or not
No one can fix you but you. But what if you're too tired to pick yourself up?
I'm tired of disappointing everyone including myself
I don't want to be them.
I don't want to be them.
I don't want to be them.
My heart breaks
@Stormandshelter
You're nothing like them.
I can just hear it in the space between your words... You're etching in stone that you WILL NOT become like those who hurt you, even if you mess up alot of times on the way to becoming a good person (like everybody does)... I can hear you yelling and cementing it in your mind... yell it louder! cry it louder! Write it in big letters on a big piece of paper and tape it to the wall so it is the first thing you look at every day!... yell it 99 times in a row! You are NOT going to become like that. You are going to be good to people, love people, keep trying, and watch your love be returned by people when you expect it the least.
SO, prepare for unexpected love from unexpected sources out of nowhere the day after you're sure you can't make it one more day! Win by doing something, anything out of love for anyone today, the smallest thing, a tiny act of love, and you DEFEAT the people who hurt you because THEY DON'T CONTROL YOU ANYMORE.
Thank you so much for your words. I needed that reassurance. Sometimes it's difficult to see them in yourself. I wonder if that's the reason why I struggle with guarding myself. Maybe, because I constantly feel like I don't want to be them. I struggle with expressing or handling anger. It can be really tough sometimes.
And you're right. I won't be them. Never.
Those people don't control me anymore but the thoughts and the pain does. I'm really hoping to heal soon.🌻
I'll remember this. Everything you have said here.
Probably I'd just keep typing untill I feel better/fall asleep...