Nothing left to say?
No matter what, there's nothing really left to say in my relationship. I've repeated too frequently, made big mistakes that is lorded over my head to ensure I never forget.
The other party won't talk, they suffered too much growing up, abuse wise. I don't even know what to do anymore. It makes me so depressed, lost, alone.
Therapy isn't an option. They refuse to outright, pretend it's not happening, it doesn't exist!
I also have BPD, though the depression, stress and anxiety parts are at all time highs. I eat poorly, don't sleep, unless I take cannabis edibles/oil. Stressed out all day every day 😪. I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally, that has transferred to the physical level too.
I can't bring myself to start difficult conversations, I always need a mediator. Alot of the stuff going on is my fault, some on their part, however they don't seem to notice or see how much it hurts me.
Financially can't walk away, couldn't survive on my own in today's society of high cost of living. I am feeling trapped.
Thank you for reading this far. Nice to know someone cared enough to read
@CelticStar7It sounds like you are feeling completely drained and trapped in a situation that keeps wearing you down. You care about this person but it hurts that they will not communicate or acknowledge how much pain there is. It makes sense that you feel lost and exhausted with everything that is happening. You have been carrying so much on your own and it shows how strong you have been just holding on.
@CelticStar7
Sorry that's happening. 💜 That's tough not being able to walk away due to financial reasons. (Feels like if that were possible, not only would that help you, but they'd possibly be happier too.) But then any possible options for improving the relationship feel like they're closed off since they aren't willing to go to therapy, they aren't willing to talk, and they've locked into a mindset that everything is your fault and feeling like you need to be constantly guilt-tripped/punished. 😢
Like you said, even if you've made some mistakes, you still have feelings, things still hurt you, and they're not perfect either.
What’s stopping you from commiting suicide
@CelticStar7
I am sorry you are hurting. That really seems a lot to handle alone. I am proud of you for your courage despite what life's been throwing at you. It takes resilience to even say it out.
You are brave for handling so much alone, but I want you to know you are not alone in this. We are all here for you, to help you carry this weight in this hard time <3
May life be gentle on you 💚
@CosmicMelody