Not sure how to feel
I’ve been going through a lot of stress lately. Just social stuff, trouble with family and friends. Thinking about the future and my personality and how hard you have to work to get somewhere just to end up down below. Sorry, I realize that sounds whiney.
Whenever I see posts about “what keeps you motivated”, “what keeps you going, etc, I always think that hope is what keeps me going. Or maybe curiosity. I’m curious as to what’s going to happen in the future? Life might get better, maybe not, but you never know ‘till you get there.
But lately I’ve been feeling like I don’t really care what happens in the future. Trigger warning I guess, but I’ve been having dark thoughts about ways out. Sometimes quick intrusive thoughts, or sometimes just me pondering on it. I know I’ll never do anything directly to dip out early, but I keep thinking about it as if my mind is trying to motivate myself to do something.
I’m not really sure what I’m expecting by posting this. I’m not really sure why I’m writing any of this on a public form. I know there’s not really any magic words anyone can say to help me, and the only way to really get help is by getting a therapist, or psychiatrist, or something. I guess it just feels better to get words out.
It’s funny, when I was a kid I used to think people ending their life were so stupid. I always thought, “if you’re going to do something to yourself, why not do some last ditch effort to make yourself happy like sneak onto a boat heading to the other side of the world, or max out a credit card to buy yourself cool stuff”. I don’t think that anymore, so I guess I’ve matured.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be sticking around. Just kinda keep falling down so to speak.
@AnarchyFox
hello,
Life is not a destination it is the journey.
as we get older, we see that better. so many worry about things or achievement they miss out on all the lessons and people and beauty along the way.
Funny so many young people seem to be "are we there yet?" when you get older people feel worried about if the trail will end.
I definitely get that. I see the beauty in life and appreciate what’s out there. I have friends, people I care about. I just don’t really care for this journey right now.
The journey feels pointless.
Yeah fr fr no cap, that’s mad funny how the young thugs be compared to an older chad with a gyatt.
@AnarchyFox
I feel it sounds cliche. when I think of the journey, I have had the people who taught me the most were not friends or family often someone I worked with or came across in a short time.
The lessons that each person faces are different, but I find came when I put myself out there not doing same thing and expecting life to come to me.
I definitely get that. I see the beauty in life and appreciate what’s out there. I have friends, people I care about. I just don’t really care for this journey right now.
The journey feels pointless.
Yeah fr fr no cap, that’s mad funny how the young thugs be compared to an older chad with a gyatt.
@AnarchyFox
I can tell you what helps me. I see how life is often about ups and downs. And how the effort put into not drawing doesn’t sometimes seem to be justified by the experience of just surviving.
So, I find most joy seeing I might have helped someone struggling next to me to get some relief. I keep challenging myself to more or less selectively choose to show when I am not ok and accept smaller or bigger support gestures from others too. It’s the making the world a better place for each other that seems to add some meaning to the struggles. It might just not work everywhere.